Tuesday, November 30, 2004
sittin here alone facing my fears
with me are those unending tears
i dunno wat am i feeling
but i juz wanna kneel down and start prayin
i want everything to turn out alright
so i can just turn off the light and have a good night
but i dare not to hope
afraid dat my heart cant cope
cuz my heart is now broken
from those words which are unspoken
all i wan is to be in ur embrace
as ur love is filled w grace
in da night wen i am all alone
i am waitin fer ur call on da phone
tis is da poem i wrote fer daniel.. i really hope dat u can see it..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @23:56
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i have been missin u.. how abt u? i really dunno how to communicate w u ANYMORE!!! i dunno if i shld call u or msg u.. i juz wanna talk to u.. juz wanna know how are u doin and stuffs.. but im so scared dat u will find me irritating and stuff.. i dunnno why my life is irritatin me now lor.. i know waiting by myy phone fer u to msg or call is impossible.. cuz u wun do all those alr.. althou u sttill msg me once in da while but its DIFFERENT!!! do u know wat da word different means? we cant even msg like b4.. wats da point in life now? i cant even msg as i like.. life sux totally wout u.. i really wonder how to live my life now lor.. wout u.. its juz like da light dat was shinnin upon me all this while is gone.. and im confuse and lost.. i cant seem to find my wya out.. can dat light come back in myy life now? today as i was out w carol.. a number of stuffs ran thru myy head.. why all of a sudden tis kinda thing happen.. last mth on our anni.. everything was still ok.. it was still fine.. we were still happi tgt... u even wrote me sth so sweet fer our anni lor.. dan abt one week ltr everything changed.. everyhting!!! EVERYTHING!!! why? why? wout warnin and stuffs all tis came crashin dwn.. i was caught unaware and it really hurts lor.. wen i felt dat sth was wrong my frens tell me dat im tinkin too much.. u are juz too stress frm sch.. i forced myself to believe them.. dan aft dat u tell me u got no more feelin.. why?! why?! was trustin u all my fault?! im sorri if i trust u too much.. to me a relationship muz be based on trust.love.care.honesty. all these are da muz fer me.. so i tot trustin u was all i cld do to show u dat i really love u.. i never doubted u.. did u realise dat? even wen gers msg u i oso never do anything thou i was jealous at times but i trust u.. was dat sth wrong? maybe i shldnt do dat.. maybe i shld have doubt u. i duno.. i really dunno.. u tell me la.. TELL ME!!! i wanna hear all da things frm u.. i wanna know.. i wanna know.. i really wanna know even if da truth hurts.. sighz.. i really dunno wat to say lor.. seriously.. everyday it type almost da same stuffs.. i tink myy blog readers are bored of it lor.. sighz.. tis afternoon wen carol said she wanted to tell u myy blog address i told her forget it la.. i doubt u will even come and read wen u know abt it lor.. dan carol told me dat u asked frm her da other day.. i really duno to be happy or sad.. daniel.. if u are ever readin tis.. im tellin u im willin to do anything in da world juz to be w u again.. it hurts nto bein w u.. u are on myy mind no matter wat i do.. and it hurts lor.. today i was a good ger.. came back early and rotted till i finished my show dan i come online.. and all this while.. da phone was by myy side.. how i miss those times wen u call me da moment u reach home.. how i miss da msges dat we sent to each other despite bein nonsensical.. wen i walked home everynight.. i juz cant help but tink of u.. u are always there walkin me home cuz u know i hate walkin dat dark long road alone.. alot of times i have da urge to call u and acc me while im walkin home.. and alot of times i juz dun hav da courage to dial ur number.. its juz at my fingertips.. but i juz cant bring myself to press call.. i really dunno why.. oh goss.. why cant myy tears juz stop flowin? why cant myy heart juz stop bleedin? why? can myy bday wish be granted? can? all i want is you.. do u know how hurt i was wen u told me dat i can find a better guy dan u?! i was so hurt.. why u ask me to find other ppl wen all i want is you? dun u see? dun u understand?! dun you?! daniel.. i cant stop missin you.. i cant stop thinkin abt you.. i cant.. i wish i cld fer a moment.. so dat myy heart will stop bleedin fer dat one moment.. im sorri myy dear.. do i have da chance to prove to u dat i have learnt myy lesson?? why everybody have a second chance wen they make a mistake? but not me? why cant u giv me dat chance?! why?! why?! why?! why are there so many questions dat is wout an answer?! all i wan is u to meet carol soon and get da stuffs!!! cant u even do dat fer me?! pls.. i beg u.. pls.. god.. i really wanna be really happi on da 7th dec.. can u let me be?! can u? pls?! i have never beg anyone till liddat in myy whole life.. gosh?! since wen am i liddat?! ever since i knew u.. u really changed me alot.. really.. u came into myy life and performed countless miracle .. but why cant tis source stay?! haiz.. myy frens had told me that time can mend a broken heart and fix me up.. but all i know is that my life wun be the same again without you being around..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @23:00
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well.. went kbox w tc and myy sis today.. had a whole load of fun over there.. haha.. well.. its da 3rd time i wen there tis mth.. all w different ppl.. so not so bad la.. althou i have myy fair share of fun..i still cant help but tink of him.. almost everything we did there reminds me of him.. juz like tinkin abt da time i was there w freelancers he called me.. pei me talk on da way home.. althou he had to go and do his project.. hmm.. how sweet ar.. but look at now? even a call to say hi oso dun have.. sighz.. i was really tinkin of him every min of da day lor.. he juz cant seem to get out of myy mind.. i oso dunno why every single thing in myy life reminds me of him.. maybe cuz he had bcum part of my life within tis 8 mths.. everything i do can juz be linked to him lor..
haiz..why everybody ard me seems to be so happily in love wen im so out of love?! why? why? why is it me? why muz he be liddat? why? sighz.. why muz god be so unfair to me? i know im complainni again.. i shld be grateful fer all dat u have given to me.. and all dat u will continue to giv.. but sometimes i juz cant help but feel dat why myy life is so filled w set backs? sighz.. god.. sth is not i purposely wanna complain.. but.. i juz cant help it.. why muz u let me go thru such difficult process? if u know dat myy heart will break.. why still let me meet him?! if oni i had appeal and went to jc fer da 1st 3 mths.. dan i wun know him to da extent dat i will have a crush on him.. and god why din u let his heart choose sherry? but choose me instead? why? why? im really wonderin lor.. i know u muz hav certain plans de.. so.. im juz grumblin here lor.. i know tis lesson is to teach me to not treat him fer granted.. i know.. i have learnt myy lesson.. i have.. i had.. GOD.. pls let him come back to me.. pls.. i have never wanted sth so badly frm u before lor.. really.. i have never wanted sth so badly till my heart aches.. and tears went dry.. god.. all i wan is to have him back in my life.. i know its not hard fer u to make dat cum true.. god.. pls.. even if it means takin 10 yrs frm my life span.. im oso willin to do so.. as long as i can have him by my side.. i really dun mind dyin earlier.. i know to myy blog readers.. it may sound ridiculous.. but.. he is really so darn freakin impt to me lor.. sighz.. daniel.. i really miss u badly..
I thought of you today
And today i cried
I thought of how things were
And how things should be
I cried because
I've never looked into your eyes
I've never felt you
Your arms around me
Or tasted you lips upon mine
I cried today because
I've never felt
Your hands touch my body
I cried today
Because i love you and i cried
Mostly because i want you
In my life and close to me
im sorry..im wrong..pls forgive me..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @01:54
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Monday, November 29, 2004
i dunno wat am i feelin rite now.. watever it is.. its definitely not happy.. no matter how i try to smile in front of u.. its juz a way not to let u guys worry.. actually u shld have tot abt it la.. how can i ever be happy at this time?Well..i juz cant stop thinking abt you.. you are on myy mind ALL da time.. how not to tink?! I really wonder.. now im juz tryin to push it to da back of myy mind.. so dat whatever it is I wun feel so much.. but its hard.. I juz cant make myy heart stop bleedin.. there is onli one person in da world who can stop myy heart frm breakin.. dat is u. Daniel tan.. but u r oso da one who broke it and make it bleed.. sighz.. now I juz hope dat da stuffs get to you as soon as possible.. and wen u get it u wil know wat I am feelin and let us hav another try.. I know its has always been myy fault.. I deserve whatever dat is happenin to me now.. I know I hsld have spent more time w u.. I know I shld have talked to u.. I know I shld have.. I know.. all tis tings I know alr.. so I wun let it happen again..all I need is juz a chance frm u.. pls.. my dear.. I really need it.. if oni u cld do dat.. I tell u whatever my bday wishes were.. I tell u now.. I oni hav1 wish now.. and dat is to be wish w u.. really.. im really willin to giv up everything anything fer u.. all I need is juz one more chance.. I really cant stop thinking abt u.. u say u wanna msg me less.. so dat I will forget u soon.. well lemme tell u.. its impossible.. cuz all I do everyday is to look at my phone and wonder why it doesn’t ring dat familiar ringtone..and my phone is so quiet wout ur msg-es no mater who msges me.. I dun bother.. cuz all I wan is ur msg.. u are on myy mind every day.. every nite.. every hour.. every min.. every sec.. I juz cant stop myself frm tinkin of u.. I tried.. I tried.. and I tried..but I juz fail time aft time.. gosh.. life is really difficult wout u.. Life without you is like a broken pencil, there is no point. What do i believe in when everything i believed in is now gone?
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @04:35
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Saturday, November 27, 2004
its all my fault.. its all my fault.. it had been my fault.. it is my fault.. its will always be my fault.. i had always taken him fer granted.. i shldnt have neglected him.. its all my fault now dat da feelin is gone.. but u know wat? im willin to anything juz to have him by my side again.. really.. all i need is juz one more chance.. im really willin to do anything fer him.. all i wan is fer him to get back da feelin and let us have one more chance to be tgt.. im really willin to do anything.. if oni i juz hav a chance to prove it.. im scared of losin ule..i promise i wun repeat my mistakes.. i will learn frm it.. i promise..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @04:47
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Thursday, November 25, 2004
HAPPY BDAY CAROL KOH!!! HOPE U ENJOYED URSELF TODAY!!!
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @22:48
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din really do much today..bought da skirt and shoes dat i had been eyein fer..finally got them!! -smiles- hmm.. walked ard town rather aimlessly la.. actually is no mood to walk ard la..
hmm.. i really wanna know wats goin on in dat mind of his lor.. last nite wen i called him.. it was so weird lor.. i oso dunno why.. he was like tryin to cut me off.. dun wanna tlak to me lor.. he said he's outside eating.. wen he reach hm he will call me.. dat time was abt 11 plus lor.. dan i slept at 4 plys.. he never even called lor.. im so heartbroken lor.. cuz he yet again made an empty promise.. i really dunno wat to do..if i dun talk to him.. he dun reply my msg.. how am i ever goin to ask him out to talk things out?haiz.. i really wonder lor.. haiz.. i really dunno wat to do abt him lor.. i need him in my life.. i really need him lor.. but if he wanna leave i oso cant do anything.. i wun beg him and stuffs lor.. im not dat kinda ger.. if he's gone dan so be it.. da most i will do if cry my heart out.. i will learn to get use to it.. i will slowly learn..some things juz hav to learn thru da hard way..but i wun really wan it la.. cuz i relly love him lor.. even if i cant meet him.. juz a glimpse of himevery single day is enuf to make me smile lor.. but.. i wuld really like to know.. i will be happy to catch a glimpse of him.. or my heart will break at da sight of him.. haiz.. why can he make me so happy and feel like da best in da world yet he can oso make me so sad and heart broken? why?! why?! all i wan is juz more time w u.. i really wanna stay by ur side.. i promise i wun lose my temper at you anymore.. i promise i will be good.. i promise.. i really will.. its a promise.. i never lied to you.. and never will.. how i hope dat u will knnow how much i miss u.. how much i love u.. and how much i need you.. haiz.. how i wish u are here fer me to sms.. fer me to call.. fer me to disturb.. fer me to love.. i wish u are still here to love me.. i will never know wat u are tinkin until u tell me.. dun hint me.. TELL ME!!! everynite i cant help but to hug dat piggy u gave me and cry to slp. and to look at piglet sittin on my bed and feel myheart shatterin to thousands million pieces.. and wat hurts more is to know dat u dun care abt my heart shatterin into pieces and dat u are not here to tell me dat everything is goin to be fine.. haiz..i had always knew that i would look back on my tears and laugh.. but i never knew i would look back at my laughter and cry.
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @22:46
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Wednesday, November 24, 2004
hmm.. met up w my long time no see pals.. tc and nonny today.. wwe went back to sch and get our year book and 'o' cert.. finally ar.. fer mths le..now dan take ar.. if they never ask me dwn to get.. dun tink i will even go and get it lor.. hmm.. anyway its juz a piece of laminated shit fer me.. i dun care less lor.. haha.. osund so mean ar.. but its da truth la.. hmm.. anyway we went town.. dan we kinda acc tc eat her lunch..which turn out to be HALF of a spring chicken.. wah.. we see alr oso dunno whether to laugh or wat lor.. she ar.. really scary xia.. eat dan eat quitely la.. need to tell da whole restaurant de.. as in she was so HIGH lor.. eat chicken oni lor.. oso need to be so high meh? wahahha.. seh ar.. but da most funny part is da BIG portion of dessert la.. wen it came..w e were ALL stunned!!! wahha.. u shld go billy bombers one day and try their 4 course set meal.. and wait patiently fer da arrival of da dessert.. its really worth da wait.. haha.. hmm.. but we were teasin her whole time abt her nick last nite.. whahhahaha.. so funny xia.. u wanna know wat is it abt? ask er lor.. or our dear nonny.. wahahahhahaahha.. hmm.. dan aft dat we took some neo-prints.. wah.. 5 yrs of friendship.. 1st time take tgt lei.. wah.. it was so funny la.. dan it as been a long time since i meet my darlin tc.. of cuz we took nepprints as well la.. wah.. had so much fun la.. haha.. hmm.. too bad my scanner not workin.. haiz.. wat a lousy scanner.. so sucky man.. haha.. hmm.. da pics we took are so nice lor.. i like lor.. haha.. aft dat dan is relly lepak ard le.. oso got nth to do.. anyway.. we got to eat our dinner.. and guess wat.. our dear tc still eat chicken la.. tink she today goin on a chicken feast ba.. or she really hate chicken so much dat she has to eat them at every meal of hers.. haha.. im so mean ar.. but aiyah.. i know my dear tc wun get angry de.. so its ok.. wahahha.. she has alr tahan-ed tis fer 4yrs plus.. a lil more doesnt matter.. ahaha.. k la.. ltr she kill me and dan i will have to bid my last goodbye to u ppl.. kk.. im startin to crap again.. anyway.. we went to play music dance.. wow.. it was ex. and it was so fun la.. haha.. oh.. i tell u ar.. dat guy dat is workin there muz be so bored got nth to do la.. he let us take a longer ride.. dan it was too much de lor.. dan our poor nonny cant take it.. haha.. aft da ride he was like havin an upset tummy la.. dan we were all so worried dat he will puke lor.. haha.. dan he still try to put on a strong fromt.. wat dat ride no kick la.. im ok la.. but his facial expression show me totally different stuff lorr.. aha.. w eknow u fer 5 yrs alr buddy.. so no need to hide one.. hmm.. today really enjoyed myself w em lor.. it has been long ever since i last saw them.. da last time i tink is da class bq lor.. and dan dat time oso never talk much de lor.. oso dunno why.. hmm.. well.. i kinda miss sch days with em ard.. it was so sweet.. so much fun.. so much laughter.. and those days where tc will sit next to me and come uo w all sort of entertainment methods to keep us awake in class.. haha.. althou at times it is a lil silly.. but.. its funny as well.. well..i miss da canteen food.. esp da malay rice.. and da mixed rice.. and da prwn mee.. wah.. look at my sch now.. da food SUCKS la.. hopefully wen next year wen they change.. it will be BETTER.. haha.. sorri la.. i need food to survive in sch la.. haha..
hmm.. i really wonder wats wrong w him la.. ever da talk we had on sunday.. dan..since yesterday i send him msg-es he oso never reply me.. haiz.. wats really goin on in dat brain of his?! i really wish to be him fer one day to know wat is he tinkin abt lor.. he dat day sounded so mormal lor.. dan now.. he's not replyin my msg-es.. wazzup man.. relly lor.. wazzup man.. haiz.. u tell me la.. carol and mark was like tellin me dat he busy studyin fer tml's last paper.. dan no tim eto reply.. or wen he's abt to reply.. got sth crop up dan 4get to reply le.. serioulsy.. i really doubt so lor.. daniel tan!!! can u stop playin games w my heart?! do u know it hurts more liddat?! really hope to meet u soon to trash things out lor.. if this goes on.. i really dunno how long i can take it lor.. its really tiring lor.. i manage to be hapy fer all tis while bcuz i pushed al of it to da back of my mind.. really lor.. and wen i talked to u on sunday.. i really tot dat there wil be some hope lor.. but apparently.. ur actions these days really breaks my heart lor.. do u know?! guess u will never know wat i am thinkin inside lor.. cuz i will not show it on my face as i dun wan u to see me cryin my hearts out.. and u will oso never look at watever shit dat im typin.. so.. guess u will never know wats my utmost feelings are.. haiz..why muz love always hurt aft all da happiness?
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @00:39
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Tuesday, November 23, 2004
woah..din know there are so much ting needed in peelin off my blogg skin. finally xia.. hmm..i feel so proud of myyself lor.. i did it on my own w help frm my frens.. wahahahha.. fer once i feel like im a clever ger.. well not exactly da first time la..im rather clever la.. haha.. kk.. im so thick skin ya.. haha.. hmm.. today went swimminw chin..got tan lei.. wah.. da tan lines is ugly.. goin sentosa soon to get rid of it.. as in im gonna even out my tan..=) haha.. cant wait to tan again.. hmm.. tml im goin out w my dears.. who else.. of cuz is myy darlin tc and nonny nai.. hahahahahaha.. dat name never fail to keep in a fit of laughters.. whahahahahaha.. k la.. imma so tired le la.. today wun write much la.. cuz i gotta meet myy darlings early in da mornin at 12 lor.. scared will late.. so better go slp now.. wil update more tml.. still cant believe i did it all on my own!!! hay..now im proud to say I HAVE A BLOG!!! whahahahahah.. crazy alr la.. sorri la.. im liddat in da nite.. kk.. nitex.. i cant fight w my eyes anymore.. haha..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @03:18
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Monday, November 22, 2004
well well.. i din know they are so many ppl out there dat knows abt my blog.. haha.. anyway i dun care la.. hmm.. it has indeed been a very tryin week fer me.. im so exhausted frm all these stuffs dat are happenin ard me.. all i want in my life now is to have him by my side and to have a great 17 bday.. all i want is to be happy.. is dat really dat difficult? haiz.. how i wish his internet is not down.. so he will look at my blog and knows how i feel.. guess he will never know..
last nite i plucked up my courage and called him.. it has been almost a week since we last talked.. i dun like to see his sms-es.. cuz in one way and another.. i will misinterpret da tone wrongly.. maybe im livin in a world of denial.. but..talkin to him seems better.. at first wen i called.. he din picked up.. i tot he was either slpin or he dun wana pick up my call. my mood immediately fell and it hit the bottom. i was really heartbroken la.. was talkin to chin abt it lor.. dan my phone rang.. i saw dat it was provate num.. rather happy.. but these few days im rather numb to seein private num le.. cuz quite alot of ppl call me oso use private num.. dan i always happy fer nth.. anyway i picked up da call.. and i hear his voice.. so we started talkin.. u never know how fast my heart was beating lor.. it has really been long since i last felt tis way.. he may not be some kinda hunk.. but i dunno why he got tis effect on me.. anyway.. we talked like last time lor.. like there's nth happened between us.. thou he din call me dear or wat.. but the tone he used to talk to me is juz like b4.. and i really hav da urge to call him every nite and talk to him lor.. i miss his voice xia.. anyway.. ha.. i keep digressin ar..sorri la..very long never talk to himn le ma.. hmm.. we juz talk rubish lor.. he was rather concern abt me la.. like ask me got eat got drink and why i always slp so late.. dan he was like sayin dat im now very close to jason and stuff.. tink he's jealous ba.. haha.. and he was like askin wen will the next time be the both of us meetin up again.. wen i told chin dat she was like sayin dats great..at least i still got a place in his heart.. but.. wen i say i wanna meet him aft his exams to talk things out.. he sounded so dwn lor.. dan i was like sayin i will meet him few days aft his papers so dat he will hav time to tink thru and dan we will settle it once and fer all lor.. i dun wanna pressure him durin his last 2 papers.. so aft his paper le dan i let him go tink lor.. and wen i said dat he said sth dat brought tears rite to my eyes.. he said he dun wanna tink alr... he had alr tot it thru le.. so..haiz.. i oso dunno wat to say xia..but wen i ask whether can we still meet and talk things thru he was like.. sure.. so.. we shall tlak things thru..and i really hope is his parents dat are pressurizin him to break de lor.. cuz he cant possibly wake up one day and realise dat he dun love me anymore de lor.. haiz.. we shall se ehow things go ba.. wish me luck will u.. haiz.. he was like "sorri.. i had let u dwn " dat kinda thing la.. haiz.. i strongly believe dat he still loves me de lor.. da feelin was so strong b4.. why all of a sudden it will juz disappear.. it really have a reason de.. really... i strongly believe in dat..so wat is da reason? i really wanna find out.. so.. peeps..wish me luck will ya.. haha..
hmm.. i really miss him lor.. really really.. but if he really have to go.. dan.. i oso gt nth to say.. but i will really try my very best to salvage tis relationship lor.. i tink i shldnt say too much le ba.. if u know me u shld know how impt he is to me.. if u dun .. dan too bad lor.. haiz.. i oso dunno wat more to say abt him.. im really prayin hard dat everything will goin to be fine..if u read tis.. pls help me pray as well.. thanz.. god will ever stop blessin u..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @15:09
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Friday, November 19, 2004
So much for my happy ending
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
this song is like specially written fer me liddat la.. haiz.. daniel. there goes my happy ending..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @22:14
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Thursday, November 18, 2004
i miss u badly.. i really do.. i miss ur kisses.. i miss ur hugs.. i miss holdin hands w u.. i miss ur calls.. i miss ur voice.. i miss ur caring ways.. i miss ur lame jokes.. i miss ur smiles.. i miss seein you.. i miss takin bus w you.. i miss walkin back home w you.. i really miss you..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @16:30
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Friday, November 12, 2004
sighz.. why am i in such a stupid stage now? i really dunno.. last nite he msged me.. dan i was really upset la.. he told me dat feelin is no longer dat strong le.. he say it might be due to da lack of communication and da lil meetings we have.. but.. he's so busy.. we dun even have time to talk.. i know i know if he relly want to he will find time fer me de.. but.. can u all stop lettin me know tis.. i dun wanna know.. i really dun wanna know.. i cant lose him.. im sorry if u feel dat im useless and dat im disgracing da female species cuz i have portrayed da image dat i will die wout him.. im really sorry.. but i realy cant do it wout him.. i know it sounds ridiculous.. but somehow somewhere.. dats how i feel rite now.. i really dun wanna go seperate ways frm him.. i really love him alot.. i juz need one more chance.. i will really change.. i will really be good.. i will really treasure him.. why wen i start to wanna treasure him he tell me dat feelin has fade.. why?! why?! can anyone juz tell me dat?! i really hope to know.. i really will do everything to salvage dis relationship.. its too impt to me le.. really.. im willing to do anything fer him.. i really love him loads.. i really wanna thanx my pals.. they are so nice to me la.. like yc.. she was really worried sick la.. she msged me last nite and all..dan today she came to my work place and visit me w lil vannie.. she so worried dat she asked jason to look aft me lor.. well.. dan amanda was oso so worried dat da whole of last nite she was busy msgin me and dan today she even offered to meet me juz to maek sure dat im alrite.. its really so sweet of them rite?! i really never regret havin them as my fren.. and i will never regret dat our paths have crossed and brought us so far.. they are really nice.. thanx GOD..
haiz.. da whole of today really suckz la.. i need my ice-cream now.. i wanna eat da whole big tub now!!! i really wan it now!!! sholud have bought one tub on my way home.. haiz.. dan u know i cant even rest in peace la.. every minute.. every second.. my mind is juz simply flooded w tots of him.. every single tot brings tear to me eyes.. i juz cant bear to let him out of my life.. da whole of last nite i cant even sleep properly la.. da piggies on my bed.. it juz bring back bad memories.. as in it juz simply bring tears to my eyes!!! i really dun wanna lose him.. i really love him loads.. im sorri if i have never sshowed u how much u relly meant to me.. i really need u.. u cant live me now.. i will juz simply collapse.. i juz cant bring myself to imagine.. next year i will be goin to sch knowin dat i wun be able to see my dear freeLANcers during da whole of my lessons.. dan i wun even have my dearest to sms.. gosh.. dats it man.. i really cant tink of it anymore.. mummy is back.. i cant cry.. i cant let her worry.. i muz be strong.. imuz be happy.. i muz be strong.. at least fer da next few days till she leave.. haiz..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @22:59
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Thursday, November 11, 2004
haiz.. i dunno wazzup w my life.. everything is so wrong.. since wen am i so dependant on guys? since wen?! im not liddat in da past de lei.. haiz.. now im so emotionally drained from dis relationship.. is he goin to be liddat fer da rest of our journey together? or is he oni liddat due to his examz stress.. i really wonder.. he is no longer da guy i used to know.. as in da way he treat me is no longer da same.. i dunno why.. wanna sort things out but.. do we even have time? we dun meet so often le.. haiz.. other dan monday we din even meet lor.. dan mum cumin back tonite.. wen she'sback i try to spend more time w her.. dan i really very seldom spend time w him or my pals de.. so.. well.. guess i will not be able to see him till next week ba..wen mum goes back.. haiz.. i really miss him lor.. all i wan is juz to have a nice day out w him.. juz like before.. is it really so difficult?! or at least have time to talk to him on da phone.. not only talk.. wat i want is communicate.. communication in relationship is impt.. well.. nowadays we hardly talk.. if we hardly talk how to communicate?! how? i dun wanna lose him.. he is impt to me.. i cant imagine my life wout him.. i need him!!! i really love him lor.. if we ever go our seperate ways.. dats it fer me.. i dun tink i will ever get involved into a relationship le..it will take me alot of courage to recover frm da hurt dat will be inflicted on me.. haiz.. can i ever have da him i once knew back into my life?! haiz.. watever it is.. imtoo numb to it alr la.. i need a good cry.. i really need it..
hmm.. was w chinny chin chin juz now.. she was like sayin dat she juz dunw aish sch to start... ha.. i oso dun wish lor.. cuz i will be seperated away frm em.. haiz.. i have alr kinda gotton over dat.. but somehow i juz cant help but to feel a little sad or watever la.. they are impt to me.. i cant lose em.. well.. i dunno wat will i become wen everybody leave me.. esp my pals such as da freeLANcers and definitely my dear bf.. they are darn impt to me.. wout them.. my life will be like shit..wit will be of oni two shades.. black and white..i need them.. i cant afford to lose them.. sighz.. is my life really destined to be so bad?! hope not..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @18:21
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Monday, November 08, 2004
haiz..dunno wats wrong w dear and me.. i really dunno.. i juz cant imagine losin him.. i really love him loads.. he's da second person in da whole wide world dat i really truly gave my love to.. thou da first person really disappointed me and totally broke my heart into pieces i have recovered frm dat nightmare and bcuz of dear.. my heart is now back to one piece cuz thru time he had slowly glued it back into one piece.. haiz.. maybe is bcuz his exams cumin dan stress ba.. hopefully lor.. at times i really wonder if he still love me like before.. cuz his actions really dun show it lor.. haiz.. i dunno la.. recently there are a tons of things on my mind.. i oso dunno wat to do w it.. haiz..
im outta council.. good or bad? hard to say.. well at least next year i can get some sporty cca.. dan i can find back myself again..woo hoo.. i love sports.. u shld know.. if u dounch.. dan BOO HOO!! haha.. im bored la.. next year i confirm will work hard and try to get my freakin name on da honours roll.. haha.. can do it or not? hard to say.. but at least i dare to dream.. haha.. haiz.. im so tired of my life.. i dunno wat to do w it.. xianz.. cant wait fer dear to finish him exams dan he will have time fer me le..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @22:24
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Saturday, November 06, 2004
well.. yesterday went shoppin w beckky.. well.. long time no see.. she has changed so much.. as in she look like some rich tai tai. hahha.. we walked ard.. tryn to find da rite skirt fer her.. well.. we didi in da end.. haha.. aft dat i went fer work.. well.. rather tiring la.. but.. still ok la.. if got nth to do will really rot to death la.. haha.. well.. i end work bout 150 liddat.. called my bf.. he din pick up..well.. he was slpin la.. can u believe it?! im his gf lei!!! so late still outside he wun worry meh.. still can slp til so peacefully..urgh.. dunno wat to say mans.. ppl like jason and eric oso got sms me lor.. well.. jason is ask me abt da work la..but he still make an effort to stay up late and wait fer me to end work and msg me.. at least better dan mr daniel tan la.. see.. haiz. really dunno wat to say man.. dan eric lei.. well.. he wanted to pick me up frm work la.. which is totally ridiculous la.. dan he waited fer me to end work dan talk to me on da phone till i reach home safely.. haiz.. even ppl who are not my bf will do sth like wat my bf should do la.. haiz.. wats wrong w dan manz.. haiz..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @23:50
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life sux. i duno wat more i wan in life.
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @23:30
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Tuesday, November 02, 2004
sighz.. everyone is leaving.. veggies will be promoting.. i will be left alone during lectures.. tutorials.. breaks.. maybe left alone frm em fer da rest of my life.. dan my dearest will be goin ns and again im goin to be left alone.. why? why? why am i left alone? why is everybody leavin me?! why why? if oni i had study harder.. if oni i have been more discipline.. if i din give up my hcl..dan ALL his will not have happen.. and i really mean ALL!!! and i will be happy now.. and i wun cause so much pain fer ppl ard me.. im so useless!!! im really so useless lor..im a failure!!! haiz..my life had failed completely.. wat is tis man? do i have a sad life? pls tell me.. i really dunno..
dear yc.. im sorry my dear.. i din expect him to msg and let u know wats gg on.. im sorri.. din want to let u worry.. further more its so late and u r chiongin ur pw.. summore da next day u have to wake up and go fer ur pw.. dan have to work summore.. im so sorri.. dun woori k.. everythings is fine now.. yah.. and u better EAT!!! eat sth fer goodness sake.. i know u wanna shed some fats of urs.. but pls..eat sth la..we can go buy weight loss stuff tgt de..eat la can.. pls pls.. dun let us worry la.. gastric bu shi nao ze wan de..wat if one day.. ur stomach cannot take it..dan dat time cai hou hui alr too late.. u better take care of urself k.. u tink we like to see u fall sick meh?! haiyo.. u no brain de lei.. haha.. and pls stop tinkin dat u r always facin rejection..pls lor.u never wait fer his reply dan u go le.. how is he gg to reply u?! see la..always worri fer nth.. ALWAYS de!!! pls stop it k.. u r attractive de.. if not.. "look ard u" haha..
amanda soh.. pls stop worrying abt others.. we appreciate it.. but its ok if u dun.. cuz we know u r troubled by sooo many stuffs.. so fret not ya.. hmm. we really have to drive some sense into dat laogong of urs.. if u need us.. u can always look fer us.. all he need is to realise dat he is really driving u nuts.. and dat u really need to have ur own breathin space.. u need to fight fer ur own stuff.. or else nobody will.. u can always come to us and let out all ur frustrations.. and pls.. pls pls pls stop cryin in da night.. like wat vanessa has said why cry wen everyone is slpin.. u will oni feel worse.. u need us to be there de.. so pls stop cryin yah.. pw is goin to be over soon.. so juz bear w it yah.. u can do it de.. =P
lil vanessaliliputian.. haha.. u oso better take care of urself k.. u look so tired.. da rings can fight w me le.. haha.. dun worri so much yah.. ur mum will be fine de.. wen gos see da love u ppl have fer her god will be touched and therefore heal her.. i believe god do all tis fer a reason.. so take good care of her and let her know dat u love her k.. i know ur mum is someone nice.. so da lord will bless her de.. u dun worri k.. everything will be fine soon.. we will continue prayin fer her.. and u tis lil van.. stop being lie amanda can.. dun need to worry so much fer others wen u have so much in dat puny lil brain of urs.. k.. we will be workin soon.. there will be time wen we will bound to work tgt.. dun worri k.. aft da training.. we will have chance de.. dun worry k.. dan we can have fun alr.. wahaha..
my dear lil chiam chiam.. are u ok.. tis few dasy u dun seem to be urself..and im worried.. pls pls talk to anyone of us wen u r not ok.. we will always be there fer u.. even if we cant help we can still lend u an listening ear.. really.. we love u asmuch as we love dat lil mole of urs.. so.. dun worri.. dun keep tings to urself k.. wannalet u know i really love u loads.. and dun wish to see u sad.. u have always been our sunshine.. always smiling.. so.. wen u are not.. we know sth is wrong..no need to hide k..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @01:57
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Monday, November 01, 2004
i dunno wats wrong with me.. i bet there's sth very wrong w me.. i dunno la.. i cant stop tinkin abt the changes i have to face next year.. no longer will there be my dear amanda yc and jiam to be there w me thinkin abt food.. cant imagine eatin wout them.. i wil be darn lonely.. i really hate myself fer not doin well.. if oni i had been a lil more hardworkin.. if i oni i had choose da correct econs qn.. dan i wun be facin all this now.. mylife suckz lor.. totally.. haiz.. i will miss my them like crazy.. nobdy to irritate me during lessons.. nobody to irritate during lessons.. gosh.. i really cant go on.. i really dun wanna tink abt it.. i muz be strong.. i cant cry.. i cant!!! i have to get a grip.. -sighz- i juz have to adjuzt myself to a whole new environment.. wah.. juz wen i get to fit in i have to start tis all over again.. alot of qns are runnin thru my mind mow.. a whole load.. next year wen i start sch..will others look at me adn point fingers sayin "she's da retainee".. da j1'swill mock at me.. they will not even wanna be near me... dan i will really be friendless fer da next whole year..oso dunno yc they all da timetable how..wat if it totally clashes.. and we wun even have any time to meet during sch hours.. wah.. dat will be da end of me.. i will be the "retainee" i will be friendless.. i will be alone.. i will be the outcast.. i will be the laughin stock.. urgh!!! my whole life is so screwwed!!! juz bcuz i din do well.. dats da end of my life le.. im a failure.. im dumb.. im lousy.. i cant even get myself promoted.. im a shame to ppl ard me.. urgh!!! i juz feel bad la.. can? tis is so emotional strainin..
next dat daniel tan is really gettin on my nerve la.. i wonder does he even know wat im sad abt.. i bet he dun lor.. he wld rather be at the chalet and wun even wanna spare an hour or two with me wen i really need him to be there.. althou he will irritate me but with him ard me.. i will feel secure and protected.. but.. he cant even giv me tis.. haiz.. yesterday wen he smsed me he said he would meet me today.. but he din.. so.. wat is tis.. he din know how disappointin dat was la.. i din see him fer days alr la.. since thurs.. am i too much?! all i wan is juz to see him.. to wan him to comfort me.. to hold me.. bthe cant even do it.. and he dun understand y am i so moody.. wat the hell.. wen god created men.. did he forget to giv them brains?! its really gettin on my nerves la.. i dunno wat to say to him lor.. and he keep sayin dat i had changed.. he keep tinkin dat i will leave him.. i will not lor. it really hurts me so to hear those things frm him.. i love him so much..more dan anything in da world.. haiz..i dunwan us to be liddat.. i cant take it.. i can take no more.. i hate myself!!!
