i have been missin u.. how abt u? i really dunno how to communicate w u ANYMORE!!! i dunno if i shld call u or msg u.. i juz wanna talk to u.. juz wanna know how are u doin and stuffs.. but im so scared dat u will find me irritating and stuff.. i dunnno why my life is irritatin me now lor.. i know waiting by myy phone fer u to msg or call is impossible.. cuz u wun do all those alr.. althou u sttill msg me once in da while but its DIFFERENT!!! do u know wat da word different means? we cant even msg like b4.. wats da point in life now? i cant even msg as i like.. life sux totally wout u.. i really wonder how to live my life now lor.. wout u.. its juz like da light dat was shinnin upon me all this while is gone.. and im confuse and lost.. i cant seem to find my wya out.. can dat light come back in myy life now? today as i was out w carol.. a number of stuffs ran thru myy head.. why all of a sudden tis kinda thing happen.. last mth on our anni.. everything was still ok.. it was still fine.. we were still happi tgt... u even wrote me sth so sweet fer our anni lor.. dan abt one week ltr everything changed.. everyhting!!! EVERYTHING!!! why? why? wout warnin and stuffs all tis came crashin dwn.. i was caught unaware and it really hurts lor.. wen i felt dat sth was wrong my frens tell me dat im tinkin too much.. u are juz too stress frm sch.. i forced myself to believe them.. dan aft dat u tell me u got no more feelin.. why?! why?! was trustin u all my fault?! im sorri if i trust u too much.. to me a relationship muz be based on trust.love.care.honesty. all these are da muz fer me.. so i tot trustin u was all i cld do to show u dat i really love u.. i never doubted u.. did u realise dat? even wen gers msg u i oso never do anything thou i was jealous at times but i trust u.. was dat sth wrong? maybe i shldnt do dat.. maybe i shld have doubt u. i duno.. i really dunno.. u tell me la.. TELL ME!!! i wanna hear all da things frm u.. i wanna know.. i wanna know.. i really wanna know even if da truth hurts.. sighz.. i really dunno wat to say lor.. seriously.. everyday it type almost da same stuffs.. i tink myy blog readers are bored of it lor.. sighz.. tis afternoon wen carol said she wanted to tell u myy blog address i told her forget it la.. i doubt u will even come and read wen u know abt it lor.. dan carol told me dat u asked frm her da other day.. i really duno to be happy or sad.. daniel.. if u are ever readin tis.. im tellin u im willin to do anything in da world juz to be w u again.. it hurts nto bein w u.. u are on myy mind no matter wat i do.. and it hurts lor.. today i was a good ger.. came back early and rotted till i finished my show dan i come online.. and all this while.. da phone was by myy side.. how i miss those times wen u call me da moment u reach home.. how i miss da msges dat we sent to each other despite bein nonsensical.. wen i walked home everynight.. i juz cant help but tink of u.. u are always there walkin me home cuz u know i hate walkin dat dark long road alone.. alot of times i have da urge to call u and acc me while im walkin home.. and alot of times i juz dun hav da courage to dial ur number.. its juz at my fingertips.. but i juz cant bring myself to press call.. i really dunno why.. oh goss.. why cant myy tears juz stop flowin? why cant myy heart juz stop bleedin? why? can myy bday wish be granted? can? all i want is you.. do u know how hurt i was wen u told me dat i can find a better guy dan u?! i was so hurt.. why u ask me to find other ppl wen all i want is you? dun u see? dun u understand?! dun you?! daniel.. i cant stop missin you.. i cant stop thinkin abt you.. i cant.. i wish i cld fer a moment.. so dat myy heart will stop bleedin fer dat one moment.. im sorri myy dear.. do i have da chance to prove to u dat i have learnt myy lesson?? why everybody have a second chance wen they make a mistake? but not me? why cant u giv me dat chance?! why?! why?! why?! why are there so many questions dat is wout an answer?! all i wan is u to meet carol soon and get da stuffs!!! cant u even do dat fer me?! pls.. i beg u.. pls.. god.. i really wanna be really happi on da 7th dec.. can u let me be?! can u? pls?! i have never beg anyone till liddat in myy whole life.. gosh?! since wen am i liddat?! ever since i knew u.. u really changed me alot.. really.. u came into myy life and performed countless miracle .. but why cant tis source stay?! haiz.. myy frens had told me that time can mend a broken heart and fix me up.. but all i know is that my life wun be the same again without you being around..
