i miss youu..hope to be with youu wen a new year starts.. but sad to say.. its da time dat i have set myy mind to get youu outta myy life.. i dun wanna hurt no more.. since there are a lil more dan 8 hours to a new year.. i really wanna say i really love youu more da words can ever say.. but will youu even care now?! will you?! i know its impossible to get you totally out frm my head.. but at least i will try very hard.. i wanna lead a happy life.. i dun wan to pass every single day in da new year pinnin fer you.. im sure there will be times where i will miss you.. but.. i dunno how to say.. i will learn to live my life wout you as time pass.. but you will always be someone dat i truly care fer.. if you alr have a new princess in your life i wish you two all da best.. treasure her with all ur heart.. hope dat she will love you more dan i love you.. hope dat she will take care of you more dan i did.. hope dat she will be a better gf to you dan i was.. hope dat you are happy.. daniel.. i still love you no matter wat.. and i hate to tink dat you have somebody new.. but all tis are un avoidable.. thanx alot fer all da happy times you had given to me.. it will always be remembered by me.. i really dunno wat to say.. althou i still hope dat one day you will call me up and say dat you stil love me and hope dat we can still be tgt.. i really hope dat it will happen.. but.. i know im dreamin away again.. it will NEVER happen.. dats wat you said.. and i was devastated to face dat.. i wish lovin someone dun need to be dat hard..
~
i hate it.. i hate youu wen you do tis kinda thing.. i dunno is it fer real or youu did it on purpose.. its not da first time.. and i know it will never be da last.. URGH!!! why do you like to leave me all alone aft all dat we had planned.. do youu know how it feels?! u dis stupid freakin woman!!! dat time was on myy bday.. last year.. forget it.. wenever i kinda need youu you will say yes yes.. and stuffs dan aft dat youu will disappear into thin air.. do youu know how i feel!? do youu!? i know you are nice to me.. in fact very nice.. but.. dis hurts la.. luckily.. i know youu too well.. i went ahead w myy own plans.. i dun even bother if youu are gg out w me anymore.. i know you care fer me.. but.. forget it.. i can do stuffs on myy own..
~
i miss you..
everynite i pray before i go to bed..
pray dat you are all well..
pray dat i will see you tml.. i really miss you..
~
im so confused.. im so torn apart.. wat do youu want?! wat youu want?! can you pls tell me?! i wanna suffer no more.. dun tell me youu enjoy watchin me suffer.. im in so much pain.. really.. memories juz flood me non-stop.. i cant stop tinkin abt da times we had tgt.. the pain now is part of the happiness then.. urgh.. why!? why?! WHY?! i.... i....... URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate to admit it.. but i really miss you.. urgh... why do i feel so useless aft admittin dat!? why!? stupid daniel.. URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you know you're everything to me
and i could never see
the two of us apart
and you know i give myself to you
and no matter what you do
i promise you my heart i've built my world around you and i want you to know
i need you like i've never needed anyone before
i live my life for you
i live my life for you
i want to be by your side in everything that you do
and if there's only one thing you can believe is true
i live my life for you
i dedicate my life to you
i dedicate my life to you
you know that i would die for youbut our love would last forever
and i will always be with you
and there is nothing we can't do
as long as we're together
i juz cant live without you and i want you to know
i need you like i've never needed anyone before
i live my life for you
i live my life for you
i want to be by your side in everything you do
and if there's only one thing you can believe is true
i live my life for you
i live my life for you
i have been sittin in da corner of dat cafe
nobody noticed that im still upset
in fact i have forgotten how to say
no matter how reluctant i am
you still left
i dun wish to face the fact
why will things turn out tis way
without youu im really without anything
juz like a useless person
once again i couldn't control myy tears
once again i couldn't control myy tears
i cried on myy way home
have no other choice but to take this path
i dare not ask for anything more
wat else can i say
wat else can i do
i wish to hear that i let youu go
because i love youu
~
dunno tis is da how many times im rewritin tis today.. dunno wats w me today.. i have been tinkin alot.. and well.. all my close frens are so busy dat i cant even find someone to talk to.. or even meet.. i hate stayin at home!!! i need someone to acc me.. yc is so happily in love.. and we hardly talk these days.. and i dunno why.. im gettin pissed at her.. dun ask me why.. i dun wan to.. we are best fren.. why am i liddat!? why?! dan amanda darlin is at m'sia.. how to get her!? chiam.. as usual. she is dat busy mole.. hee.. guess i will oni see her wen sch reopens ba.. dan belle.. dat stupis woman.. so hard to contact.. oso dunno how.. dan chiz.. busy w sch.. have her own probs.. carol is busy workin recently.. dan maneka is oso busy w sch.. URGH!!! why!? dun anyone can spare me a moment or two!? maybe everybody dun like me.. dats why they are tryin their best to not meet me?! URGH!!! im gg crazy.. i know they loves me.. they are myy bestest pals.. i need someone to keep me sane.. i really do.. you know wat?! i feel like fallin in love again.. so dat i can get out from all tis misery dat dtwa is causin on me.. i know im selfish.. im self-centered.. all tis is happenin cuz fer almost a year.. i have him.. i have him.. and now wout him.. i feel like a useless fool.. haiz..
am i in da wrong? cant i even write wat i wan in my journal!? cant i?! i was very upset to wake up to da msg he sent.. i was so angry and i was wonderin he is talkin abt myy blogg or frendster.. i din reply.. dan abt 9 plus.. carol called me.. she told me dat he tag at myy shoutbox.. well.. i was really upset by such actions lor.. haiz.. dan wen i was chattin until halfway.. i got a msg frm him.. i was super confused.. dunno shld i reply him or not.. dan well.. i did.. nth bad happen la.. we juz msged like frens lor.. haiz.. i really dunno wat am i feelin now.. i really dunno.. im scared of gettin hurt.. i juz have signs of recovery.. juz wen i start to get used to everything.. get use to bein lonely.. get used to not havin by myy side.. he appear in myy life again.. and wat am i supposed to do!? i dunno.. i really dunno.. giv me a sign.. any sign.. urgh!!! im so angry w myself.. why must i fall so deeply in love!? why? now im stuck in tis pit.. im still tryin to climb up.. tryin to get out.. but.. once again.. i had a slip.. and im few more steps behind.. i knew the face of youu in myy heart will never be gone.. few days ago wen yiwei chat w me.. she said things dat really left me wonderin lor.. she was surprised dat it was da end.. she oni saw me and him tgt not more dan 5 times and she can giv comments such as i tot he loved you alot.. haiz.. gosh.. the hurt in mee really cannot be heal.. da memories.. gosh.. it will be with me fer life.. i really dunno how to love another.. really.. well.. wenever i tink abt my silly ger chiz.. i cant help but smile.. she reminds me dat myy love fer him will fade oni wen an apple grow out frm an orange tree.. haiz.. guess wat? last nite i dreamt of him again..really know.. is it a sign? is it? every mornin wen i wake up knowin dat i juz dreamt of him.. wen he was juz so real.. so near me.. i realise dat it was all a dream.. cuz never in myy life dat will ever happen again.. every mornin i will still wake up w piggy and piglet starin at me.. and it will do me no good cuz it reminds me of daniel.. i dun dare to hug it anymore.. cuz i know dat i will juz cry wen i hug it.. there are juz too much memories le.. and havin so much memories mean that there is juz so much hurt.. i hate you fer fallin in love w me.. i hate youu fer choosin me.. i really do.. but why is dat sound comin frm myy head and not myy heart? does dat mean dat i still love youu somehow?! URGH!!!!! i dunno.. i dunno.. i really dunno wat to do now.. can someone tell me how?! can i juz die? can i?! i wanna go to a place w no hurts.. no worries.. no more pain.. really.. can someone show me da way? gosh.. why do i feel like a sinner writin watever i feel in my blog now? why? why?! everything is myy fault.. it has always been.. and it will always bee...this year.. i made alot of mistake.. which is all myy fault.. if oni i can control myy heart.. i wld have sto it frm fallin in love with youu.. dan all tis thing will never had happen.. well.. since it was thru fate dat we were tgt.. it was myy fault fer takin him fer granted.. it was myy fault to have tis bloody computer..it was myy fault to dl msn.. it was all my fault.. cuz if all tis had nto happen.. we wld have still be tgt.. my dream wld have cum true by havin a wonderful 17th bday.. tis year.. is really a cursed year..gosh.. why muz he always make me cry!? da more i tink.. da more i miss him.. but da more my heart hurts knowin dat we can no longer be tgt.. why am i such a failure?! i cant even keep da heart of da man dat i truly loves.. and i really mean love.. my first love.. its really hard yeah.. sighz.. im talkin rubbish again.. guess i better stop here before anyting bad happen agains.. Falling in love is awfully simple, but falling out of love is simply awful..
hmm.. i really give up hope in him le.. really.. but i juz cant get him out from myy mind.. out from myy heart.. i kinda feel numb to da hurt alr.. i will still wait fer da day to find out the answers to myy questions.. haiz.. i really long fer him deep down.. but.. i juz have to face reality.. i really need to heal myy broken heart.. if not i doubt i can love again.. hee..
'Cause I'm broken, when I'm open
And I don't feel like that I'm strong enough
'Cause I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.
well well.. i really got nth much to say now.. except dat sch is reopenin soon.. and i dread to go sch.. i miss my babies freeLANcers.. i miss spendin time with them.. next week gonna meet up w my darlin belly.. miss her xia.. so long never see her le.. wanna meet her everydya and talk non-stop.. now she move back to jb le.. tink will have even lesser chances to have slp-over at her place.. love slp-overs at her place.. cuz we can talk abt anything.. and we will cook ridiculous food.. hee.. miss da pasta we last cook.. hee.. well.. wout a guy dat used to be so impt in myy life.. i know it will not be da same again.. but.. i have frens dat care.. frens dat love mee.. and frens dat will be there fer me wen i need them.. they are here to help me heal da broken heart dat such a heartless guy had caused.. i refused to call him bastard or jerk.. cuz part of mi heart still belong to him.. and we used to be tgt.. anyway i am still hurt and angry and bitter towards him.. hmm.. i dunno wazzup w me.. these days i keep dreamin of him.. gosh.. is it a sign..is it tryin to tell me sth!? urgh!!! even if i dun wanna tink of youu.. youu still wanna appear in myy dreams..wat youu want.. your presence still lingers here.. and it wun leave me alone!!! since you wanna leave me dan juz leave.. dun keep some of it here.. its painful.. i dun wanna be hurt.. i wanna be happi.. but w your presence around.. i cant.. haiz.. these wounds wun seem to heal.. there is juz too much dat time cannot erase..
gosh.. why all of a sudden is he in my tots? i tot i have gotten over it.. i tot i was strong alr.. but well since i wanted to stand up i fell again.. why must he have such impact in my life?! why? i wanna cry again.. but.. i cant.. i wanna be strong.. but i miss him sooooooooo much.. gosh.. daniel i really hate you.. why muz you enter my life.. i really hate you.. i hate youu so much till i dunno wat to do.. URGH!!! u know theres tis sayin abt
wen one door closes, another open
but most of the time
we will look at the closed door for so long
dat we din see da opened door
hmm.. i know i know..but all i want to do is juz to look at da closed door and hope to see a small crack.. and well.. there will be hope.. daniel.. i hope youu will be lookin at this.. cuz aft all dat i have said abt gettin over it i still love youu with every broken piece of myy heart.. i am still wondering why youu took it and dan tore it apart.. i wonder what did i do wrong that made you let me go.. im still hoping that one day youu will let me know.. i will wait fer da day to come.. why muz my heart still love youu when youu hurt me so much? why?! ppl say always listen to da voice in ur heart.. not ur mind.. u know wats my heart and wats my mind tellin me? my mind is tellin mi to let go and be brave and strong to get on w myy life.. but myy heart is still bleedin and longs fer you.. URGH!!! i miss you badly..
can i be selfish and say dat i have never agree.. so dat i can still have u.. can i? can i? im really hurtin.. i miss u.. its really so hard fer me to know dat the phone is juz there.. but i cant sms u.. cant call u.. why cant u sms me? why cant u cal me? i juz wana hear ur voice i juz wanna know dat u still care i juz wanna hold u in my arms.. i juz wanna hear u say u love me every nite and know dat u really mean it.. da place of me in ur heart is really gone juz liddat? for 8 long months lei.. 8 mths!!! gosh.. wat am i doin?!
~
well im finally back infront of my darlin comp.. really miss tis keyboard.. miss tis chair.. miss tis monitor.. miss everything abt tis comp.. well..myy poxie seems to be gettin better.. but still obvious lei.. how?! wat if daddy dun let me go out?! muz learn to go out in disguise.. whahahaha. im rubbish ger.. whahhahah.. hmm.. dat day was juz sayin dat i dunno wazzup w him.. he changed his pic..changed his profile..but his status is still da same.. does dat mean he found someone new? is it?! why? i dun wanna accept it!!! i dun wan!!! i was tinkin abt al tis rubbish dan u know wat? in da nite i dreamt of him.. really ridiculous lor.. i dreamt dat he finally talk to me.. and i found out dat he like tis ger who is 14-15 yrs dan he know her ard sept or ltr.. haiz.. i was devastated la.. i rmb i wake up cryin.. why is it still affectin me? suddenly i miss him.. i wan him to hug me.. i wan him to let me feel dat im ok.. i need him here to reassure me.. will i ever find another one like him? will i? haiz.. but i know wats over is over.. all im doin is juz a lil of missin.. really lor..
i really wonder if its rite fer me to find someone to fall in love w to get over daniel.. i feel dat its moraly unright lor.. but curently it seems like its da oni way to get mee outta tis misery.. URGH!!! i wanna die.. my head explodin.. so confusing!! urgh~!!
i really wonder if its rite fer me to find someone to fall in love w to get over daniel.. i feel dat its moraly unright lor.. but curently it seems like its da oni way to get mee outta tis misery.. URGH!!! i wanna die.. my head explodin.. so confusing!! urgh~!!
Boy meets girl
You were my dream, my world
But i was blind
You cheated on me from behind
So on my own
I feel so all alone
Though I know it's true
I'm still in love with you
I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
a
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
a
Day and night
I'm always by your side
Cause I know for sure
My love is real my feelings pure
a
So take a try
No need to ask me why
Cause I know it's true
I'm still in love with you
I need a miracle...
I need a miracle...
well well im rite now in myy mum's office.. dun tink alot ppl know im out here in kl.. well.. maybe ppl dun even care.. haiz.. sth i really wonder wat am i doin w myy life?! guess wat?? im sick!!! im havin lil pox.. URGH!! zhen shi qi shi wo le!!! guess tis year is really cursed.. i retained.. fall sick twice terribly.. lost da man dat i really love.. wat else can i ask fer? everything in myy life is goin haywire.. i hate mee fer da time bein.. well.. really cant wait to go home SOON.. hopefully i will be well by 23 dec.. wanna be at myy best fer da chalet on da 24th.. hee.. dun tell u.. its fer me to know fer u to find out.. hee..
well.. part of me really given up on daniel le.. it has been almost a week le.. no call.. no sms.. nth at all.. well.. i will be strong and get on w myy life.. watever dat happen between us is history.. frm now.. there will be nomore daniel tan in myy life.. who is he?! he dun even wanna remain as fren.. so.. he is juz a stranger to me.. i will find someone better.. i know i will.. someone who will love me way more dan him.. someone who will treasure me way more dan him.. hee.. but at times i wonder am i very selfish?! if i get into a relationship now.. will dat make me a selfish person? but he is outta myy life one way and another.. so.. i oso dunno.. im so darn freakin confuse.. URGH!!! k la.. i gotta go le.. da itch is killin me.. hee.. see ya in spore myy dear.. muackz..
im leavin spore to kl in another 20 hours.. xianz.. i dun wanna go lor.. i will miss myy comp.. miss chattin w myy highness.. hahahah.. really lor.. i seriously dun wanna go lor.. dan my mei told me can use mum's comp there.. i immediately lighted.. haha.. dan carol told me abt da msn thingy.. whahahaha.. im so happy la.. hopefuly everything will work la.. so sad will go there.. hopefully can shop till i drop.. whahhaha.. muz buy xmas present lei.. if not no time le.. haha..
hmm.. these days alot been gg thru myy mind.. well.. i have decided to giv him one last chance.. well.. ever since dat day till now he oso never msg me lor.. or even call me.. :( well.. since im gg msia tml.. i will see how things goes.. if wen im back next week.. he oso never send me a single msg .. dan i tell youu i really give up le.. i totally have no more place in dat heart of his..i dun understand how can he be so ruthless.. no matter wat we were oso once tgt.. he oso used to love me.. cant he give me sth dat i really deserve? well.. a new year is comin.. and well.. i will start everything afresh.. i will be strong.. i will get hin outta myy heart le.. aft all dat i have done.. he dun even take a look at it lor.. so wt fer rite?! im not some desperate female who cant live wout him la.. sure got sumone better fer me out there.. juz have to wait paitiently fer myy dear mr rite to appear.. hee.. i will wait so darn patiently.. haha.. hmm.. i know its impossible to forget him so fast de..but i will try.. memories cant be erased.. it will oni fade w time.. so lets see how fast it can fade ba.. i will oni look back at those happy times.. maybe miss him a lil.. wonder how is he.. and dats it.. althou im hurt so badly.. i will recover de.. i will heal..juz dat da scar is ugly.. hee.. i dun wan scar.. i wan pretty pretty.. so god.. send sumone who can make it pretty pretty.. haha.. k la.. i have kinda gotten over da self pity.. depressed stage le.. or so i tot.. watever it is.. i wil giv u a lil more time to prove things to me.. so wat if u msg me.. so wat if i still have a place in your heart.. i might not wanna patch w youu anymore.. *claps fer pris* haha.. kk.. i know im lame.. but bo pian.. wahhaha..
ooh.. myy highness ar.. cute lei.. but.. impossible la..maybe its juz a silly crush.. a silly infatuation.. so.. let nature take its course..
myy dear lil chizz.. tis silly ger.. these days see her blogg i read alr i will oso sad.. real glad to know dat she care so much lor.. now i oso dunno wat am i doin.. as in i still love him.. somehow still clingin on to a small lil hope.. but somehow.. im gettin use to not havin him by myy side.. but somehow i juz cant stop myyself frm tinkin abt stuffs.. he juz wun get outta myy head.. why??? sighz.. im wonderin if im juz pushin all myy hurt to one side.. and try to be hapy.. or is it dat im alr gettin used to it.. i really dunno.. URGH!!! why muz love be so complicated?! i no mood to write le..
sighz.. i dunno why is myy heart achin so much now.. i wanna cry till myy body can produce no more tears.. it really hurts lor.. i oso dunno why are they streamin down myy face.. i was on friendster dan i go see his page.. and i realise dat he had deleted our pic away.. wah.. at dat moment i was so upset.. im so hurt.. im so sad.. i really wanna die rite at dat moment lor.. gosh!!!why am i feelin all tis?! i dun wan!!! tis relationship really reached da end?! i dun wanna know.. i juz wanna hang on to da small lil hope.. can i still dream!? can i!? can i?! i know im silly i know im dumb.. but i juz cant help it!!! daniel tan!!! i really love u!!! din u say u wanna be with me till ur last breath!? din u say u wanna marry me?! where had all tis promises gone to!? where?! where?! can u let me know!? so dat i can go over there and continue to live happily.. i dun wanna wake up frm reality.. i dun wan i dun wan!!! i know im stupid and dumb and childish.. watever u wanna say i dun care.. cuz u wun understand da pain im gg thru now!! life sux to da max.. i dunno wat am i still livin fer.. there's no more purpose to life..
hee.. prissy is a happi ger.. wanna know why? haha.. too bad.. cant tell u.. hee.. no la.. not daniel la.. ppl like tc and carol know.. haha.. im really happi..
-skips ard da room and cant stop grinnin frm ear to ear-
oh.. today i did sth special in myy life.. i went to geylang.. firsttime in myy life.. haha.. wat u tinkin abt? definitely its not watever u are tinkin abt k.. well.. i went fer dinner w carol and joshua over there.. we ate stuffs like chilli crab.. and my!!! there are GIGANTIC!!! hee.. dan we oso got order other stuffs la.. main star is da CRAB!!! its really freakin BIG la.. haha.. dan in da first time in myy life i ate a crab by myyself outside.. even at home oso mummy help me peel de dan i will eat..spoilt?! maybe.. hee.. anyway i ate it with my spoon and chopsticks.. can come and pay school fees.. i can teach youu how to.. wahahha.. well.. dats myy biggest accomplishment aft so long.. wahahhahaha.. im so proud of myyself la.. wahahahha.. k la.. im tired alr.. gotta wake up at 830 fer mac breakfast tml w myy dear car.. hee..
~
You Are the Girl Next Door!You're caring, warm, and the girl that nice guys want to marry.Uncomplicated and simple, you've got an easy going attitude guys love.But this doesn't mean you're dull - far from it!You're a great conversationalist, and you're an expert at living the good life.What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. |  |
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You are 60% Flirt
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You Are a Flashy Red Bra!Outgoing, friendly, and fascinating.You're a charmer, with your pick of the men.But you want a man who's as magnetic as you are.You need someone who can keep up with your all night gab fests!What Kind of Bra Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. |  |
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Guys Like That You're SensitiveAnd not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of wayYou just get most guys - even if you're not trying to Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships! What Do Guys Like About You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. |  |
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You'll Find Love Where You Least Expect ItYou're the type most likely to find love... surprised?You shouldn't be! You're a fun, independent woman who is always out and about.And you're smart to sometimes leave your girlfriends behind and go it alone.Men love to approach you when you're out by yourself - including Mr. Perfect!Where Will You Find Love? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. |  |
sorri pals im really so bored la.. so juz do fer fun lor.. wahahah
yesterday juz mentiona bt da bet oni.. dan u know wat.. abt 1 plus.. he forward a msg to me.. was kinda surprise.. i was happi oso la.. but i din reply.. cuz who in da world will reply to forwarded msg-es rite.. dan at 2 plus he called up.. i dunno wat is his main purpose la.. but he did ask if i got receive da msg.. dan he say he scared he send to wrong person.. and stuffs la.. well.. da plan seems to be workin ar.. hmm.. have to tahan fer another 6 days.. i know i can do it de.. hee.. have to REN!!! haha.. well.. he called to check and stuffs lei.. tis shoes dat he still cares lor.. but why muz he run away frm reality?! haiz.. u know.. chin told me dat she spent her bday w jason la..they went sentosa and stuffs.. so sweet rite.. haiz..all myy bday plans were so totally ruined la.. i have alr planned everything lor.. i wanna spent w him de lor.. well.. all along i told myyself i will oni watch sun rise w da man i love.. cuz its such a romantic thing and i can oni do it w da man dat i really love.. so.. yeah.. planned to stay out da nite before and be w him.. dan go east coast and ton.. dan can watch sun rise on myy 17th bday w him.. and stuffs lor..so much great plans.. so much hardwork.. yet.. tis kinda shit happen.. daniel.. really dun hav chance le ma.. haiz.. i really love u lor.. sighz.. im really feelin so darn shitty now la.. really lor.. im really not into mood fer anymore relationship lor.. as in fer a serious one la.. i juz cant let go of da hurt dat i hav got.. its really so pain la.. at least i know myy pals care.. i really love myy pals alot lor.. esp da freeLANcers.chiz.carol.belle.. thanx alot fer listenin to myy crap these days.. all this while.. and never complain before.. thanx alot lor.. love u guys to tiny lil bits.. whaahha.. but still i cant get over him la.. i know yc will start naggin again.. haha.. well.. daniel.. wherever youu go.. watever youu do.. i will be right here waitin fer youu.. watever it takes or how myy heart breaks.. i will be right here waitin fer youu..
~
Ocean's apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy
tis mornin met myy dear freeLANcers fer da celebration of TAN YING CHIN and MINEE bday.. wahahhaha.. well.. things are more or less expected.. cuz i juz have da feelin lor.. haha.. hmm.. my babies got mee a personalize lunchbox.. got myy name-PRINCESS on it.. hee.. dan they oso go make one badge fer me.. wahhahahaha.. hmm we went swensen fer brunch.. talked and luffed over there.. dan we went secret recipe and sang bday song.. ate cakes.. hmm.. althou its juz a few hours spent w em.. i really enjoyed myself la.. cuz i love myy freeLANcers babies to tiny lil bits.. they are myy life.. whahhhahahha.. aft dat i came home le lor.. at abt 3 liddat.. xianz hor.. bo bian.. gt nth to do.. wahhahah.. dan wen i reach home i chat online w myy highness.. wahahah.. he darn funny la.. really lor.. he was makin me luffin in da middle of da nite lor.. wahahah..
hmm.. was talkin to carol and stuffs.. dan we make a bet.. da bet is i am not supposed to msged daniel fer at least 1 week.. dan see if he will find me.. carol bet dat he wil.. i bet dat he wun.. well.. dun wanna hope so much ma.. dan she was tellin me da logic dat if he msg me means his heart inside still got me.. cuz if u like someone of cuz u wanna receive their msg rite? if u dun like dat person.. u wun even wanna receive his/her msg.. dan every msg u receive u will feel irritated.. so we shall see wat will his reaction be.. im oso crossin myy fingers hard.. i really wanna know dat he still care? oh.. dan i was wonderin why he dun wanna meet me.. dan i tot abt da possibility dat he scared dat wen he meet me he will be soft-hearted.. hmm.. i duno lor.. am i really in da state of denial? haiz.. i dun wanna know..
k i gotta blog before myy special day is gone.. haha.. well well.. im 17!! wee.. myy long awaited 17... actually not very long la.. really lookin forward to be 18 la..legal age to do everything.. hee.. hmm.. din really do much today la..met up w chi and lyon..we went fer a movie.. played games in arcades.. talked.. crap..enjoyed ourselves.. hmm well.. at least myy mind is not so loaded w him.. dan i went far east and look at myy chinny baby.. dan talk talk abit lor.. and u know wat.. chiz bought me a present la.. im almost touched to tears.. if it isnt bcuz last nite cry til no tears i will cry de lor.. hee.. she's myy best fren fer 5 long years.. and she never forgets myy bday.. she even make me a card and bought me a gift la.. chi.. if u are ever readin tis.. baby!!! i love u.. hee.. maybe bein les is not so bad.. haha.. hmm.. i had a gr8 day w em lor.. thou some things can never leave myy mind.. hmm..tot quite alot today.. haiz.. but wats da use of tinkin so much wen he dun even wanna meet me.. sobz.. my heart had never hurt liddat before lor.. thanx fer lettin me know how does it feels on myy 17 bday.. haiz.. dunno why last nite he so late still haven slp.. he ksged me at 4 plus almost 5.. juz to wish me happy bday.. i oso dunno wat to feel wen i saw dat tis mornin lor.. well.. im glad to say alot of ppl rmbs myy bday.. so happi.. thanx fer al ur blessin peeps..really appreciate it.. at least i know there are ppl out there dat cares fer me cuz u ppl bother to rmb myy bday.. oh u know wat.. wei wu is so darn freakin sweet la.. he went to london paris fer da trip rite.. dan he called me juz now to wish me happi bday and he said dat he bought me a bday gift frm london.. and will pass it to me wen sch reopens.. aww.. isnt dat so sweet.. hee.. i juz feel so loved.. haha.. er.. dun get da wrong idea k.. hee.. now..let me say sum other thing.. hmmm.. wen i was walkin back home.. i hate walkin alone la.. called my sis.. called my frens.. but none answered.. last resort.. daniel.. da moment he picked up da call.. he wished me hapi bday.. was kinda shocked la.. dan aft dat we talked briefly.. really is briefly lor.. hmm.. at least can hear his voice on myy bday i hapi le.. well.. u can say dat im a easily contented ger ba.. hee.. kk i cant talk more.. i gtg.. if not tml late to meet myy DEAR FREELANCERS.. I LOVE MYY BABIES!!!
~
thanx fer givin mee da most memorable bday in da whole of myy 17 years.. now all i want is to die.. i need to feel some pain to know dat im really living.. i wanna wake up frm tis nightmare and be in ur arms again.. and u will be there to tell me not to be scared.. its juz a nightmare.. it really hurts.. the physical pain cant be compared to da pain im feelin inside.. maybe dats why even its ohysical pain.. its doesnt hurt at all.. maybe runnin away frm it i will feel better.. but wen both of us are runin away.. things wun get settled.. tis time round.. myy heart is really wounded and hurt badly.. how long will it take to heal? 6 mths? 1 year? or even more? i really wanna know.. i dun wanna fall in love again le.. it really hurts lor.. i know i dun need a guy to survive.. but i need him to continue livin.. haiz.. he is not juz a guy.. he is not any other guy.. he is da man dat i gave myy heart to.. he is da man dat tore myy heart into pieces..
leave me alone.. i juz wanna die.. i juz wanna leave all tis pain.. i wanan go to a place where there is no heartaches.. i really wanna go there..
What I got to do to make you love me?
What I got to do to make you care?
What do I do when lightning strikes me?
And I wake to find that you're not there?
What I got to do to make you want me?
What I got to do to be heard?
What do I say when it's all over?
Sorry seems to be the hardest word.
It's sad, so sadIt's a sad, sad situation.
And it's getting more and more absurd.
It's sad, so sad.
Why can't we talk it over?
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word.
What do I do to make you want me?
What I got to do to be heard?
What do I say when it's all over?
Sorry seems to be the hardest word.
It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation.
And it's getting more and more absurd.
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over?
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word.
Yeh. Sorry
What I got to do to make you love me?
What I got to do to be heard?
What do I do when lightning strikes me?
What have I got to do?
What have I got to do?
When sorry seems to be the hardest word.
well to me..sorri doesnt seems to be the hardest word now.. fer u im willin to swollow myy pride.. but other dan dat.. da lyrics stands strong fer wat i feel now.. daniel.. u understand nortz?!
myy heart is achin..
myy heart is bleedin..
the pain in myy heart juz wun stop..
i need to feel some pain..
i need to bleed to know im still alive..
i feel like slashing myyself all over..
i want to leave scars all over..
i wanna feel da pain and see blood..
i want to bleed to death..
i wanna be left alone..
myy heart is bleedin..
the pain in myy heart juz wun stop..
i need to feel some pain..
i need to bleed to know im still alive..
i feel like slashing myyself all over..
i want to leave scars all over..
i wanna feel da pain and see blood..
i want to bleed to death..
i wanna be left alone..
hmm.. imright now over at belle hse.. stayin over fer da nite.. it has been so long since i stayed over at her place.. well.. kinda miss all those fun times we used to have.. hee.. i wun stay online fer long.. juz wanna check out who's here and who's not.. finish bloggin and there i go.. *poof* hee.. wanna spend quality time w myy dear belly ma.. hmm.. well.. tis aftnoon carol went down town and pass the stuffs to daniel.. hmm.. i hid in one corner and juz catch a glimpse of him.. hmm.. he dyed his hair.. lookin great.. he smiled.. and myy heart broke.. da moment i catch a glimpse of him i couldnt continue lookin at him.. cuz it hurts so much.. we were so close once.. dan now cant even look at him in da eye and say hi.. u tell me wat is dis all abt la.. haiz.. i was tryin very hard not to let myy tears flow la.. but some how it went out of control fer a lil.. well.. he msged me aft dat.. he said thanx fer da choc. and he told me dat he knew i was there but din step forward.. and hes sorri dat he let me down.. well welll.. i really wonder wat his sms means lor.. asked joshua he said dat it might means dat he hoped dat i stepped forward and said hi to him.. but since he know dat im at dat corner.. and i din go up to him and say hi.. dan why cant he come up to me and say hi.. rite? am i makin makin sense here? haiz.. i dunno lor.. all i want fer myy bday is fer me and him to be tgt again.. really.. dats all i want.. i really miss him lor.. do u know how terrible i felt tis aftnoon? he was so near.. yet so far.. i finally understand wat tos phrase means.. i understand how da person who came out w tis felt exactly.. he is juz right infront of me.. yet i cant go up to him and say hi.. hug him.. hold his hands look into his eyes and feel dat everythign is alright.. why? why? why are things now liddat? why? da more i tink abt it.. da more ridiculous i felt.. why?! why?! daniel.. i know i haven been good.. haven been great.. all im askin now is a chance to prove to you dat i have changed.. i have become a ger dat will put u as myy first piority.. really.. its not dat last time i din.. i did.. but i guess things were not in control.. dats why things are now the way they are now.. im kinda lookin forward fer da dinner on tues.. it doesnt matter if u bought me anything.. cux all i want is you lookin into myy eyes and tell me dat u still love me and dat we can still have da chance to be tgt.. i believe u still have feelings fer me.. it couldnt fade away so fast.. really lor.. pls.. pls tell me dat u still love me.. dat will be da best bday gift i ever get in my whole 17 years.. as long as u still love me.. there will be hope.. all i need is juz dat tiny 0.01% of feelings dan i will work myy way thru it.. really.. all i need is juz one chance.. juz one chance.. even if its juz a trail period of 1 week.. im oso happy no matter wat da outcome is.. cuz at least i tried.. daniel tan.. ever since dat glimpse of u dis aftnoon u have never left myy mind.. im wonderin how u felt aft readin it.. and i wonder how are u now.. u have been dwn w flu.. dan knowin u so well.. u dunno how to take care of urself.. dunno if u have gone to da doc.. dunno if u are takin medicine regularly.. and u left work earlier bcuz u havin headache.. why cant u take car eof urself.. why muz u let mee worry? do u know it hurts me to see dat u r sick and dat u r in pain? pls take care of urself wun u?! i oso dunno wat i can do now.. but it feels good to know dat u are jealous dat im talkin to another guy on da phone.. at least it tells me dat u still care.. =) but.. all tis will be of no use if u tell me dat we cant be tgt again.. u get it? im willin to do all kinda changes fer u.. all i need in myy life now is juz one more chance to prove to you.. really.. daniel.. pls.. i really love you.. and i really miss you.. how i wish i would have gone up to you and said hi this aftnoon.. since its over i shall not ponedr over it.. now all i wan is to get dat wonderful bday gift frm u.. u are da oni one who can determine if im goin to have a great bday or a bad one.. myy fate is in ur hands.. sounds serious? well.. it is serious.. hee.. all i can do now is to wait patiently fer tuesday to come.. sighz.. 3 more days.. soon.. its comin soon.. am i lookin forward to it? or am i dreadin it?! i really dunno.. we shall let nature take its course.. in da meantime.. im crossin myy fingers reall badd.. k.. i gotta go.. if not i will be leavin belle rottin alone.. i shall go rot along w her.. belle.. here i ocme.. hee..
~
Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over Knowing there's so much more to saySuddenly the moment's gone And all your dreams are upside down And you just wanna change the way the world goes round
Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebodyWished there was a chance to say I'm sorry Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby Have you ever felt your heart was breaking Lookin down the road you should be takingI should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go
Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together Back in your arms where I belong Now I've finally realised it was forever that I've foundI'd give it all to change the way the world goes round
I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see Even though the moment's gone, I'm still holding on somehow Wishing I could change the way the world goes round
Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebodyWished there was a chance to say I'm sorry Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby Have you ever felt your heart was breaking Lookin down the road you should be takingI should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go
Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together Back in your arms where I belong Now I've finally realised it was forever that I've foundI'd give it all to change the way the world goes round
I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see Even though the moment's gone, I'm still holding on somehow Wishing I could change the way the world goes round
sighz..msged him today but din get any replies.. im so heartbroken la.. really dunno wazzup w him la.. he din callme dan nvm.. dan he now go until da extent of not replyin myy msg.. daniel.. why muz u do tis to me? i really love u de.. cant have i have one more chance? :'(
well watched bridget jones diary today.. tot abt alot of things.. da shows tell me dat everybody deserves a second chance.. and i totally believe in it.. cuz all i wan now is juz a second chance.. and i really hope dat he will giv me a second chance.. i cant believe it la.. im so heartbroken and all i still go watch tis kinda happy love story movie.. wasnt really affected dat much.. so i dun really bother.. haha.. hmm.. as usual he was stucked in myy mind.. cant get him outta there.. dun ask me why.. hmm.. juz now wen i was talkin to brandon abt his probs and all i saw call waitin.. private number callin.. in myy heart i was feelin so excited and all.. but part of me tink dat it might be tc.. no point gettin so excited.. but da moment i hear his voice! i knew it.. wanted to stand up and scream and jump up and down.. hee!!! waaahhahaha.. but have to saty calm.. so i told brandon i will call him back.. dan dats it lor.. we talked lor.. he was like jealous dat im talkin to another guy lor.. still got chance ba.. hopefully la.. *crossin my fingers darn hard* dan he was like u go talk to ur boyfren la i go slp le.. dan i was kinda disappointed la.. cuz all i wanna talk to in da whole wide world is him.. nobody else.. sobz.. but no choice.. talked awhile more dan he go slp le.. he havin his drivin test tml.. he die die oso dun wanna tell me wat time his exam is la.. dan i was so sad lor.. he was like i dun wan u to wake me up dan u cannot slp le.. i know he means well fer me..but all i wan is to hear his slpy voice in da mornin again.. really.. its so cute de.. hee.. dan he sadi he call me juz to hear myy voice!!! *weeh..... im dancin in circles now* im really darn happi la.. he called juz to talk.. =)) wahhaahha.. well well.. im not goin out tml.. dan i will wake up at 8 and call him.. dat lazy bum.. hee.. ut 1 dissapointin thing is dat wen i msged him askin him wat time his paper is tml he replied me "10 la. k la. hapi now? dun msg back. i very tired wanna slp" hmm.. its hurt me to see dat la.. last time he oso not liddat de.. sighz.. i juz wanna be w him again.. be by his side.. be w him till an apple grows from an orange tree.. hee.. corny ya? but its true lor.. hmm.. i juz hope dat he can get da stuffsby tis weekend lor.. dan hopefully i can get myy wonderful bday gift!!! *grinnin like a pig* whahaaha.. k la..no point being so happi now.. wat if.. wat if..wat if.. i dun wanna tink abt it now.. haha..
~
Baby won't you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head
You're the one who set it up now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
but there is something left in my head
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head
You're the one who set it up now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
but there is something left in my head
I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know
You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head
Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore
The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know
You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head
Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore
din wanna blog but forget it la.. so bored dan blog lor..haha.. hmm.. m quite happy la.. cuz i was msgin him earlier on.. dan was sayin im bored and stuffs.. dan he was like sorry cant use da phone if nt will call u.. dan i was like its ok.. cuz I understand his family situation.. anyway.. he called.. wahhahah.. saw da private number callin.. my heart was beatin very fast lor.. dan i picked it up and heard his voice..can u imagine how happy i was?! Wahahahah.. am very happy.. dan we juz talked lor.. he asked me to slp early.. and asked if i got take myy meals.. and forced me to drink water.. he said if I dun drink dan next time he wun call me le.. so mean rite.. threaten me.. but anyway.. i juz feel so sweet lor.. talking to him.. really miss him like crazy man.. how i wish im rite beside him.. i miss him so so so so so much lor.. i miss his hugs.. i miss da smell of him.. i miss his smiles.. i miss holdin hands w him.. i miss spending time w him.. i miss takin myy meals w him.. i miss takin bus w him.. i miss u Daniel.. i miss ur everything.. how I wish to have myy bday wish to come true.. dat is to be w u.. as long as u and me are back tgt dan dat will e d abest bday gift I ever receive frm anyone fer myy past 17 yrs.. its juz one more week to go.. u tink there’s enuf time?! Sighz.. Daniel……….. i miss u.. and i love u.. i swear…