am i in da wrong? cant i even write wat i wan in my journal!? cant i?! i was very upset to wake up to da msg he sent.. i was so angry and i was wonderin he is talkin abt myy blogg or frendster.. i din reply.. dan abt 9 plus.. carol called me.. she told me dat he tag at myy shoutbox.. well.. i was really upset by such actions lor.. haiz.. dan wen i was chattin until halfway.. i got a msg frm him.. i was super confused.. dunno shld i reply him or not.. dan well.. i did.. nth bad happen la.. we juz msged like frens lor.. haiz.. i really dunno wat am i feelin now.. i really dunno.. im scared of gettin hurt.. i juz have signs of recovery.. juz wen i start to get used to everything.. get use to bein lonely.. get used to not havin by myy side.. he appear in myy life again.. and wat am i supposed to do!? i dunno.. i really dunno.. giv me a sign.. any sign.. urgh!!! im so angry w myself.. why must i fall so deeply in love!? why? now im stuck in tis pit.. im still tryin to climb up.. tryin to get out.. but.. once again.. i had a slip.. and im few more steps behind.. i knew the face of youu in myy heart will never be gone.. few days ago wen yiwei chat w me.. she said things dat really left me wonderin lor.. she was surprised dat it was da end.. she oni saw me and him tgt not more dan 5 times and she can giv comments such as i tot he loved you alot.. haiz.. gosh.. the hurt in mee really cannot be heal.. da memories.. gosh.. it will be with me fer life.. i really dunno how to love another.. really.. well.. wenever i tink abt my silly ger chiz.. i cant help but smile.. she reminds me dat myy love fer him will fade oni wen an apple grow out frm an orange tree.. haiz.. guess wat? last nite i dreamt of him again..really know.. is it a sign? is it? every mornin wen i wake up knowin dat i juz dreamt of him.. wen he was juz so real.. so near me.. i realise dat it was all a dream.. cuz never in myy life dat will ever happen again.. every mornin i will still wake up w piggy and piglet starin at me.. and it will do me no good cuz it reminds me of daniel.. i dun dare to hug it anymore.. cuz i know dat i will juz cry wen i hug it.. there are juz too much memories le.. and havin so much memories mean that there is juz so much hurt.. i hate you fer fallin in love w me.. i hate youu fer choosin me.. i really do.. but why is dat sound comin frm myy head and not myy heart? does dat mean dat i still love youu somehow?! URGH!!!!! i dunno.. i dunno.. i really dunno wat to do now.. can someone tell me how?! can i juz die? can i?! i wanna go to a place w no hurts.. no worries.. no more pain.. really.. can someone show me da way? gosh.. why do i feel like a sinner writin watever i feel in my blog now? why? why?! everything is myy fault.. it has always been.. and it will always bee...this year.. i made alot of mistake.. which is all myy fault.. if oni i can control myy heart.. i wld have sto it frm fallin in love with youu.. dan all tis thing will never had happen.. well.. since it was thru fate dat we were tgt.. it was myy fault fer takin him fer granted.. it was myy fault to have tis bloody computer..it was myy fault to dl msn.. it was all my fault.. cuz if all tis had nto happen.. we wld have still be tgt.. my dream wld have cum true by havin a wonderful 17th bday.. tis year.. is really a cursed year..gosh.. why muz he always make me cry!? da more i tink.. da more i miss him.. but da more my heart hurts knowin dat we can no longer be tgt.. why am i such a failure?! i cant even keep da heart of da man dat i truly loves.. and i really mean love.. my first love.. its really hard yeah.. sighz.. im talkin rubbish again.. guess i better stop here before anyting bad happen agains.. Falling in love is awfully simple, but falling out of love is simply awful..
