tze chiz.. i know you read my blog.. but i dunno how long will you get to read tis.. tis goes out to you my baby.. i have been readin ur blog entries and do you know how worried i am fer you!? all those things dat you have been typin there.. i know dat is not all.. there are more in ur heart.. im very confident in dat.. my dear.. i seldom see you online these days.. and wen i go read ur blog.. i almost died.. i feel so lousy.. i feel like shit.. we are best fren since sec one and you cant even turn to me wen u are in dis stage of ur life.. you wun even look fer me to talk to wen u need a listenin ear.. i really feel like im such a failure.. i failed to be a fren dat you will turn to.. but watever it is.. i will always be here fer you.. i know you are not happi and stuffs.. wanna meet you out.. have a good talk but wat response did i get.. you are busy.. you wanna study.. my dear.. i know studies are impt.. but if you push urself too much.. you will go crazy de.. mi dear.. i know you well enuf to ask you take a break.. i know you fer years.. and i know how you go thru stuffs lor.. wat i wan now is to ask you to talk to me.. really.. i beg you.. talk to me.. find a day free and lets have fun.. we can ask ting along too.. we haven even meet since we last talked abt it.. pls my dear.. i dun wanna see you go crazy.. im really very worried fer you.. well part of me is to blame ba.. maybe bcuz i study and work these days.. adn im seldom online durin those common time like 9+ 10.. dats why u never talk to me.. if dats da case i wanna apologise la.. but still there is tis invention called da phone.. da hse phone and da mobile phone.. im not attached now.. so.. i free to be there fer you anytime anywhere.. really mi dear.. pls.. pls giv me some response wen u read tis will yah.. im worried sick.. i dun wish to be da last one to know if anything happen to you.. we are not best buds fer years fer nth.. i dun treat you as my baby fer nth.. get it?! waitin to hear frm you..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @11:46
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ying chin.. i dunno will you ever get to read tis.. cuz of ur stupid comp firewall.. but well.. its juz abt how i feel abt things.. im glad dat you have found someone you really like and dat person is treatin my darlin well.. if he ever bullies you i will definitely not let him off lor.. but mi dear.. althou im happi fer you dat you have found ur hapiness.. do you know i felt so distance frm you!? we are alr not in da same class anymore.. dan w those tiny lil breaks we have.. all i wish fer is to have a nice talk w u peeps.. and wat did i get frm you initially!? nth.. you were on da phone da whole time w jason.. i have nth to say abt dat lor.. its ur relationship w him.. im nobody to say anything.. but my dear.. did u realise dat bcuz of him you skipped sch real often!? why!? juz to spend time w him.. you are no longer da hardworkin ger i know.. you have slacked alot.. mi dear.. you are gonna have ur 'a's tis year.. you cant afford to dat.. you are not stupid.. you are a clever ger.. i know you can do it de.. i know you can do well fer your 'a's.. but if you continue to be obssesed in tis relationship like tis.. i dunno where will it lead you in da end.. you have been tellin us things la.. like how you felt abt da r/s.. im rather piss lor.. cuz one hand you tell mi tis kinda shit and on da other hand wen u are w him u are like a total diff person.. i m noone to tell you watta do in ur r/s but i dun wan you to get hurt.. or get scolded frm ur parents abt ur grades bcuz of him lor.. its not worth it.. really.. chin.. and these days i dun even have time to have a real chat w you lor.. really.. im actually quiet affected by it la.. cuz its juz like seein da friendship gg down da drain rite b4 my eyes.. maybe not so exxagerated la.. but still we have drifted apart.. same goes to da rest of you.. my lil lovely mole and xbc.. at least we make it a point to spend some time tgt.. like last fri wen we were havin fun tgt in town.. shoppin and talkin crap da whole time.. btu where was yc?! w jason again.. i really dunno wat to say lor.. rather tired of it alr.. i told you b4 alr.. but.. if you are not gonna do anything abt it.. i oso cant.. i will juz let it be.. and see where will time lead us to.. but i seriously cherish you and tis frenship of ours..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @11:34
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Sunday, January 30, 2005
well well.. it has been days since i have a nice sleep like wat i had today.. hee.. may sounds a lil pig if u know wat time i have slept from and till.. hee.. but.. i dun care.. cuz im tired and i need da slp.. hee.. anyway a beauty always need her beauty slp.. haha.. im dreamin again.. hee..
hmm.. rather worn out la.. been workin and studyin every single day except fer sun.. even on sats i oso have to work if nt dat will be my oni day to catch up w myy dearies.. so far im fine w tis kinda life la.. at least it keeps me occupied and have no spare time to let myy mind excerise in ways i dun wan it to.. juz dat it is tirin la. do not have enuf slp daily.. haha.. i enjoy sch.. da ppl ard me is so nice.. my pals.. my classmates.. adn wen i work its a bundle of fun and laughter.. w kor helen and carol.. hee.. but.. really tired xia.. hee
there are loads of things gg on.. i have loads to say.. but i dunno how to start.. first of all.. i dunno wat am i feelin in myy heart.. i have somehow lost touched w my inner me.. im kinda numb to affiars of da heart.. i really dunno.. im so lost.. i oso know dat i have so much to say.. but wen i meet up w my pals.. i dunno wat to say.. how to start.. all i know is dat i have lost touched w myself.. at times i really feel so lost.. feel so alone.. feel so forgotten.. so abandoned.. so lonely.. all my frens doesnt seems to have time fer me.. first of all.. my belle darlin.. it has been a long time since i last saw her.. i really miss her.. she is da one dat i always tink of wen im not feelin ok.. but now its so hard to contact her.. i miss talkin to her.. wenever i see her i know dat things are goin to be ok.. everything will be fine.. but.. belle.. i cant find you now.. where are you!? i know its my fault.. if it wasnt bcuz im workin.. i wld have ans ur call and we wld have met up long ago.. so.. yah.. its my fault.. my dear freeLANcers and veggies.. now dat we have all went upon da different paths.. i really feel so distant frm them.. i dunno how to say it.. i know we still care fer each other.. but.. haiz.. i dunno la.. da feelin is nt da same alr.. i duno how to explain.. but.. well.. it hurts to feel dat way.. i dunno.. i feel dat im losin everybody ard me.. i have noone to turn to.. gosh.. why am i liddat!? urgh!!! i really dunno..
so far life as a retainee is not as bad as i tink.. but.. still sometime i wish i had been more discipline fer my maths.. i feel like a fool to get retained fer juz my maths.. wen i look ard at the other retainees.. i feel so angry and upset.. i merely failed my maths and i got retained bcuz of dat.. URGH!!! really wanna kill myself know.. god.. why muz u put me thru so much tests in juz one short year.. in da earlier part.. make me soar fer gettin grades dat i had never dreamt abt gettin.. and make me found someone who i never dreamt of.. make me went into jc found frens dat i truly love.. and now.. i fall bcuz i din do as expected and got retained.. and dat someone broke my heart.. make me went thru hell.. changed my life.. and now even my frens are driftin further away frm me.. i really dunno wats wrong.. wats wrong man..
hmm.. its a sunday.. tml gotta go sch again.. and my whole routine gonna start frm da top again.. gonna get myself prepared frm bein deprived of slp again.. hee.. sound so poor thing ya.. new year is comin.. and i seriously gt no mood fer dat.. haven even get clothes fer da first day.. dun even feel like dressin up..worst come to worst.. i will juz wear tee and jeans.. and it shall be da first year im wearin pants frm where i have rmb.. ha.. dunno la.. shall wait fer mummy to be back dan see wat she have in mind la.. lazy to tink la.. all im waitin fer is da 2nd day of new year.. cuz i will be with my dear kuzzins.. we will have so much to say so much to crap w each other.. haha.. i oso cant wait to get my wallet fuller w da amts of ang paws im gonna get.. hee.. gonna save it up and tink of wat to buy.. ooh.. talk abt buyin.. me and carol gg shoppin on thurs.. we are gonna get da bag we reserved and dan go pluck eyebrows.. haha.. im oso gonna get a haircut soon.. mi hair is gettin so messy.. haha.. i love my long hair.. but i oso wish to have a change fer da new year.. juz as i said.. im gonna start afresh in da new year.. and well.. my resolution is comin true.. he is slowly slowly gettin out of my life.. aft all dat had happen.. i really dunno how much more i can trust da man dat i used to love.. im still angry and upset.. but u know wat.. it doesnt really matter anymore.. cuz i have more impt things on mind dan havin you on my mind.. haha.. pals.. proud of mi not..haha.. well.. i have been wantin to get a new skin.. but no time la.. so hopefully today i can find a new one ar.. new skin.. new start.. new me.. wanna get rid of unhappy stuffs.. wana get out of da shadow of da past.. i wanna tuo tai huan gu.. hee.. guess im goin crazy alr.. gonna go get some rest and prepare fer another week of sch and work and a bundle of fun and laughter le.. hee.. till i blog again.. hee..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @16:45
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Sunday, January 23, 2005
tired tired.. gonna slp soon.. hee.. worked today.. first sat workin.. not too bad la.. not so busy.. was rather weird at work la.. carol not there dan dun dare talk to rifa.. haiz.. felt so constricted lor.. sad xia.. why alwasy work got tis kinda shit de ar!? stress de lei.. haiz.. anyway it was still fun la.. cuz gt helen and kor kor ma.. hee.. they were luffin at me till like shit la.. sad xia.. still dare to talk abt my hubby.. next time dun lend them ar.. haha.. im talkin crap again.. hee..
anyway i kinda dread gg sch on monday.. xianz.. hate gg sch fer lessons.. but i love being ard my frens.. haiz.. so torn apart rite?! haiz.. i really duno wat to write le.. there are juz so much dat im feelin now.. im so confused.. so lost.. URGH!!! but.. im so gald dat da "passerby feng yu" is over.. hee.. -phew- and i juz hope dat it will stop where it is.. =)
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @01:29
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Wednesday, January 19, 2005
dammnit.. im torn apart.. life sux..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @22:48
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sighz.. my day sux.. it cldnt be anymore worse.. thanx a lot fer makin it so WONDERFUL ar.. really appreciate it lor.. din enjoy myself anywhere.. even at work.. dan today work so not fun de.. alot of things happen.. haiz.. maybe dat time i shldnt "tan wan" say i wanna work..rather tired la.. but.. haiz.. i dunno la.. im so confused la.. ooh.. today someone sent me a testi.. dan i oso wonder if its him who is da passerby.. was hesistatin whether to msg him and ask or not.. but in da end i give up.. cuz i dun wanna knwo alr.. watever stuffs dat concern him doesnt concern me.. yesh.. i wanna work towards my new year resolutions.. and really hopefully da second one will come true la.. wanna know wat is it.. dun tell you.. aha.. i very guai lan hor.. but bo pian.. hee
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @01:25
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005
DANIEL TAN TIS IS FER YOU.. I DUN WANNA KNOW ANYTHING ABT YOU ANYMORE.. JUZ GET OUT OF MY LIFE.. I DUN NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING MORE ABT YOU.. IT DOESNT CONCERN ME ANYMORE.. PLS GET LOST.. of cuz i will miss you..cuz of all da wonderful memories you had given me.. but.. well..frm how you had treated me.. its not so wonderful anymore.. i juz hate you!!! i dun neeed to know anything abt you anymore.. you are you.. i am i.. we are two separate person now.. i dun need to know anything abt you.. so.. juz FARK off...
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @01:37
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daniel tan.. wat do you want more in my life?! juz get out can!? fark off lor.. its alr da end of you and me.. juz get out.. since you have chose to leave me.. dan juz LEAVE!!! stop lingerin ard.. its so darn farkin irritatin.. juz get lost!!! i dun need you to continue livin lor.. i have frens who loves me and cares fer me.. i oso have myy work mates to cheer me up every time im at work.. i oso have ppl who loves me fer da way i am.. whether i wanna accept them or not is another matter.. gosh.. i feel like killin you now.. i hate myyself fer lovin you so much.. watever it is.. i have alr grown up and i wun fall into another trap like tis again.. daniel tan.. since you wanna break w me..wout givin me any explanation.. i oso never say anything.. forget it lor.. juz treat it as im sway to have met you tis kinda farkin bastard in my life.. but.. its ok.. im more aware to ppl ard me le.. so.. you are ao outta myy life.. dan stay outta it.. dun try to come back again..you sucks!!! stupid loser!!!
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @01:24
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Monday, January 17, 2005
been quite some time since i last came in here.. well actually i did la.. but juz dunno wat to write oni.. haha.. well well.. i dunno why.. but these few days daniel have been on my mind.. i really dunno why.. haiz.. i have been wonderin hwo he did fer his exam.. wanna ask him.. wanna msg and ask.. but i scared dat he will misunderstood.. i scared he tink dat i still wanna get back tgt w him.. althou he still have a place in my heart la.. but.. dunno la.. i was packin my stuffs juz now and i saw da first letter he wrote to me.. gosh.. my heart really went "ping piang piang piang" haiz.. dan dunno why i accidentally opened dat drawer where i kept all his stuffs.. dan i immediately closed it.. it will oni bring back memories of us.. or him.. haiz.. dan piglet was starin at me.. i cant help it but hug it and cry.. kinda miss havin him by myy side.. haiz.. watever it is.. i cant tink of him tis way anymore.. last nite i was chattin w brandon lor.. dan we were talkin talkin dan dunno wat happen dan we talk abt us.. dan he say he really like me alot and stuffs.. dan he asked me if i feel da same.. and my reply is " dunno".. im sorry la.. i really kinda scared of gettin serious in a relationship again.. i dunno why.. wen we were havin fun.. no string attached dat time im fine w it.. and i even tot of gettin into a relationship.. but wen its serious im scared.. luckily he wasnt angry.. he asked me to take my time.. haiz.. i dunno la.. i really dunno lor.. URGH!!! juz feel like cryin again.. haiz.. i hate youu.. why muz youu have such an impact in myy life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ooh.. yesterday went shoppin w myy dear beckky.. so long never see her le.. was great to hang ard w her.. she brought me to shops where i never went before.. or i din know existed.. haha.. it wil be another 2 mths till we meet again ba.. hope dat silly ger will take care of herself ba.. haha.. tml got sch and work again.. same routine..tiredness comin out to find me again. haha.. k la.. gg to slp le.. wanna have enuf rest fer tml.. hee
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @13:37
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Thursday, January 13, 2005
hee.. guess wat.. im back in sch bloogin again.. guess it will be part of my routine soon.. haha.. well well.. as usual im tired.. goin to work ltr le.. hmm.. last nite wen i was on my way home.. dan brandon called me.. he was on his way to meet me la.. hee.. i was kinda surprised la.. was shocked.. taken aback.. hmmm.. yah.. dan we sat at da void deck and talk lor.. yah.. hee.. k la.. was rather tired.. brain rather dead.. dan yah la.. haiz.. i oso dunno la.. sighz.. ooh.. you know ar.. yesterday i work rite.. dan my arm got burnt.. not dat i put inside da oven and bake la.. but.. ya.. youu know de la.. pain xia.. dan know got one patch of black thing over there.. UGLY lei.. how!? haiz.. i juz wanna have a good rest.. cant wait fer friday to come.. dan aft work i can juz slp and no need to worry abt wakin up early.. dan can continue to slp late.. oso dunno shld i go fer chrystella bday party not.. no time to buy anything fer her xia.. as in no time to do shoppin la.. dan oso no cash now.. wah.. first time in my life i feel so broke la.. sobz.. how i wish i can have a money tree planted at my hse specially fer me.. whahhahahahaha.. will my wish come true!? i really wonder.. hee.. k la.. wanna go do myy stuffs le and get ready fer next lesson le.. so.. i will be back.. hee..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @10:49
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Wednesday, January 12, 2005
gosh.. im so dead beat tired.. really juz wanna slp fer da rest of my life.. now dat i have start sch.. gotta wake up at 6 every mornin.. sth juz wish dat sch is juz next door.. hee.. well well.. dun even have time to blog at home la.. now in sch lor.. havin lecture lor.. hee.. i know i notti la.. not payin attention in class.. but who cares.. im juz here wastin my life away.. hmm.. now dat i start work as well.. i really got no time to chat online every nite le.. sobz.. hee.. workin is so fun.. really enjoy it lor.. time pass by so fast.. its all fun and laughter over there.. althou tis real busy la.. but i enjoy lor.. really lor.. before i know it.. its time to go home le.. but.. wen i reach home i will be tired and dun even have time to do those stuffs dat i used to.. miss touchin myy keyboard.. miss starin at myy lovely monitor.. hee.. i sound sick xia.. anyway.. i been tinkin if i shld juz quit sch now.. cuz i know dat fer my results i can get into either tp or shatec lor.. btu juz not very confident lor.. but.. i will miss myy frens.. wun have time to have meals w em.. wun even have time to talk abt silly stuffs.. haiz.. im really torn-apart xia.. gosh.. how i wish i can have all the time in da world to do all da stuffs i like.. 24hrs in a day is really not enuf.. really lor.. first time in myy life im feelin tis way.. well.. i oso dunno how.. juz hope dat new year will be here asap dan i can stop bein tis kinda dilemma.. i dun like lor.. do you know how stressful and tirin it is on me?! urgh.. dan aft work.. reacch home 11 plus 12.. bath.. check mails.. very tired le.. wanna go slp oso cannot.. have to talk to him.. i really dunno wat to do lor.. if we dun talk dan we wun even have time fer each other alr.. he works everyday.. dan we oso dun sms dat often de.. either he busy or i busy.. but most of da time is him la.. i oso never complain.. wat can i do man.. seriously lor.. i oso dunno wat are we man.. yesh we like each other.. but he is not somebody dat i will wanna get attached to.. yesh.. he's nice and stuffs.. but.. he wun have time fer me lor.. dan wats da point if being tgt?! i dunno la... so confused!!! i know i like him.. but its nto till da stage dat i will wanna be with him.. will go crazy over him lor.. currently still searchin fer someone who can make myy heart skip a beat and let me go ga-ga over.. hee.. hopefully he will appear soon la.. dun wan lonely v-day.. hee.. sound so despo ar.. hahah.. know la.. i will juz let nature take its course.. dun wanna rush into tis kinda thing oso.. let god decide who will come into myy life and make me lost control of myself ba.. hee.. k la.. will update soon.. so stay tune ya.. hee..
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @13:50
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Thursday, January 06, 2005
i have lost myy voice.. and im in PAIN!!! i need help BADLY!!! can somebody save me?! really la.. i have never been so desperate in myy whole entire life.. hee.. opps.. i cant luff.. haiz.. its really very bad lei.. i cant do wat i love doin da most.. TALK.. whahhahaaahh.. gosh.. i luff again.. it hurts.. anyway.. i had fun la.. tink sch is not so bad ar.. but.. i miss my dear freeLANcers... met them almost everyday la.. not bad ar.. haiz.. tot i juz found an eye-candy.. but today he totally disgust me.. and not oni dat.. i juz felt like skinnin him alive la.. wat was he up to!? its a total insult to gers la.. i hate guys who dun show any form of respect to gers.. haha.. haiz.. why muz all of em be younger dan me!? URGH!!! hate it xia.. whahaahhahah.. wen i get to knw him dan i update you la.. k la.. my throat is really killin me.. cant take it anymore.. SAVE ME!!!!!!!!
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @22:16
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Wednesday, January 05, 2005
hmm.. went fer o1 today.. was ok la.. but din really enjoy it la.. my legs are SUFFERIN now.. hee.. haiz.. they are almost gone la.. or rather im almost crippled la.. haha.. too exgerattin le.. but still.. haiz.. met up w chiam and amanda aft dat.. went to have some snacks and we talk lor.. althou its different between us le.. cuz we are no longer tgt.. haiz.. really juz miss them la.. sighz.. miss talkin crap in class w em.. miss eatin rubbish in class... miss eatin fishball noodle tgt lor.. haiz.. wats up w myy life xia.. bei tahan lei.. URGH!!! im so upset la.. dan today i went to help maneka w her audio post.. dan it was late le.. dan i was waitin fer my bus alone.. at soem ulu place.. so quiet.. and eerie.. and i was so afraid dat i missed my last bus.. luckily i din la.. i was so scared la.. dan daniel keep popin into myy mind.. cuz last time he will either acc me home.. or he will at least call me.. and talk to me lor.. dan i was scared dat brandon dear is slpin la.. so i msged him and test water.. dan he din reply la.. wanted to call him.. but scared dat he is slpin dan disturb him.. yeah.. so i went home all alone.. sighz.. dan wen i reach home.. da first thing i on myy comp dat stupid kuku head msg me la.. wah.. i was so upset la.. URGH!!! hee.. anyway he did explain to me la.. so it wasnt so bad.. haha.. well.. miss talkin to him xia.. hee.. hmm.. im so tired!!! wanna slp.. but cant lei.. dunno why.. aha.. sighz.. i miss da feelin of havin someone there fer me no matter wat.. well i know my babies will be there no matter wat.. but da feelin is different lor..da empty space in myy heart is impossible to be filled up by frens.. cuz as i said its different.. daniel.. i reallymiss you.. gosh.. i juz realise i had subbcum (watever it is) to da satan.. cuz i still tink of him.. gosh!!! im such a loser.. can someone kill me?! kill me!!! URGH!!! wateevr.. hmm.. saw taufik juz now lei.. was so excited la.. wanted to take a pic w him.. or at least get his autograph.. but.. well.. din have any presentable paper.. and well.. maneka and daryl din wanna help me out..was rather pissed and upset la.. but wat to do.. late le.. so leave lor.. dan make a scene there meh!? URGH!!! well well.. guess my life sux huh.. ooh.. dunno lei.. have weird ppl contactin me these days.. the other time was weird sms.. weird phone calls.. dan now.. got someone send me a msg on hi5 sayin dat we long time no contact and stuffs.. and im like.. do i know youu?! urgh!!! dan i wanna know who's da someone who juz tagged at myy board.. hee.. urgh..dunno la.. daniel.. if there is such a chance.. can i be w you again!? i really love you loads lei.. GOSH!! wat am i doin again!? urgh.. i hate myself!!!
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @01:56
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Monday, January 03, 2005
woo hoo.. first day of sch lei.. but din go.. haha.. was back in sch to find my darlins.. dan we talked talked.. haha.. miss them like crazy xia.. wen i stepped into da canteen and saw them.. i wanted to scream out loud la.. haha.. cant believe i miss them so much.. or rather miss sch life w em.. haha.. well well.. i know its not goin to be da same.. it will never be.. but im willin to face da changes.. hopefully im able to step out frm my barrier and make frens w da freshmen.. hehe.. sound so weird usin dat word lei.. hee.. well well.. still torn apart between shld i go fer orentation or not.. haha.. most prob tink i goin ba.. juz go and make frens and have fun.. if not stay at home oso xianz.. haha.. today went j8 w chinny vann and wei ting.. dan jason came along aft his work.. well.. da sight of him send myy mind outta control.. yah.. it went into da mode of tinkin abt himm.. hmm.. wonder how is he now.. wen i learnt dan jason oni got 2.8 fer his examz.. i never stopped worryin fer himm.. jason is much more hardworkin dan him la.. tis i know.. dan such hardworkin person oso din get wta he wants.. he kuang shi ta.. sighz.. wat a great way to start off my new year ar.. sorri i juz cldn't keep my resolution.. haiz.. i really wanna be good and not tink abt him.. hee.. i will contd to work towards myy resoulution.. i believe i cna make it de.. haha.. muz wei wo jia you ar.. haha.. hmm.. another resoulution.. hope it will come true la.. haha.. oso dunno how to work towards dat lei.. hee.. wonder wat it is?! dun tell you.. >.<
PRISS threw a coin into the pond @23:16
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Sunday, January 02, 2005
happy new year peeps.. hope you guys had fun and will have a great year ahead.. hee..
hmm.. was chattin w myy fren.. and he asked if i will be celebratin vday.. haiz. hate to tink abt it.. bein all alone.. URGH!! i wanna get attached.. hee.. go figure out wat it means la.. whahhahaha.. new year le.. so muz strive towards myy new year resolution.. hee.. hope dat i can do it ba.. muz help me along da way lei.. hee.. still torn apart whether wanna go fer o1 or not.. lazy to go.. but if dun go i will xianz.. haiz.. oso dunno how.. maybe you guys can give me suggestion.. hee.. so bored so bored.. lalallalalalallalalala
