well well.. it has been days since i have a nice sleep like wat i had today.. hee.. may sounds a lil pig if u know wat time i have slept from and till.. hee.. but.. i dun care.. cuz im tired and i need da slp.. hee.. anyway a beauty always need her beauty slp.. haha.. im dreamin again.. hee..
hmm.. rather worn out la.. been workin and studyin every single day except fer sun.. even on sats i oso have to work if nt dat will be my oni day to catch up w myy dearies.. so far im fine w tis kinda life la.. at least it keeps me occupied and have no spare time to let myy mind excerise in ways i dun wan it to.. juz dat it is tirin la. do not have enuf slp daily.. haha.. i enjoy sch.. da ppl ard me is so nice.. my pals.. my classmates.. adn wen i work its a bundle of fun and laughter.. w kor helen and carol.. hee.. but.. really tired xia.. hee
there are loads of things gg on.. i have loads to say.. but i dunno how to start.. first of all.. i dunno wat am i feelin in myy heart.. i have somehow lost touched w my inner me.. im kinda numb to affiars of da heart.. i really dunno.. im so lost.. i oso know dat i have so much to say.. but wen i meet up w my pals.. i dunno wat to say.. how to start.. all i know is dat i have lost touched w myself.. at times i really feel so lost.. feel so alone.. feel so forgotten.. so abandoned.. so lonely.. all my frens doesnt seems to have time fer me.. first of all.. my belle darlin.. it has been a long time since i last saw her.. i really miss her.. she is da one dat i always tink of wen im not feelin ok.. but now its so hard to contact her.. i miss talkin to her.. wenever i see her i know dat things are goin to be ok.. everything will be fine.. but.. belle.. i cant find you now.. where are you!? i know its my fault.. if it wasnt bcuz im workin.. i wld have ans ur call and we wld have met up long ago.. so.. yah.. its my fault.. my dear freeLANcers and veggies.. now dat we have all went upon da different paths.. i really feel so distant frm them.. i dunno how to say it.. i know we still care fer each other.. but.. haiz.. i dunno la.. da feelin is nt da same alr.. i duno how to explain.. but.. well.. it hurts to feel dat way.. i dunno.. i feel dat im losin everybody ard me.. i have noone to turn to.. gosh.. why am i liddat!? urgh!!! i really dunno..
so far life as a retainee is not as bad as i tink.. but.. still sometime i wish i had been more discipline fer my maths.. i feel like a fool to get retained fer juz my maths.. wen i look ard at the other retainees.. i feel so angry and upset.. i merely failed my maths and i got retained bcuz of dat.. URGH!!! really wanna kill myself know.. god.. why muz u put me thru so much tests in juz one short year.. in da earlier part.. make me soar fer gettin grades dat i had never dreamt abt gettin.. and make me found someone who i never dreamt of.. make me went into jc found frens dat i truly love.. and now.. i fall bcuz i din do as expected and got retained.. and dat someone broke my heart.. make me went thru hell.. changed my life.. and now even my frens are driftin further away frm me.. i really dunno wats wrong.. wats wrong man..
hmm.. its a sunday.. tml gotta go sch again.. and my whole routine gonna start frm da top again.. gonna get myself prepared frm bein deprived of slp again.. hee.. sound so poor thing ya.. new year is comin.. and i seriously gt no mood fer dat.. haven even get clothes fer da first day.. dun even feel like dressin up..worst come to worst.. i will juz wear tee and jeans.. and it shall be da first year im wearin pants frm where i have rmb.. ha.. dunno la.. shall wait fer mummy to be back dan see wat she have in mind la.. lazy to tink la.. all im waitin fer is da 2nd day of new year.. cuz i will be with my dear kuzzins.. we will have so much to say so much to crap w each other.. haha.. i oso cant wait to get my wallet fuller w da amts of ang paws im gonna get.. hee.. gonna save it up and tink of wat to buy.. ooh.. talk abt buyin.. me and carol gg shoppin on thurs.. we are gonna get da bag we reserved and dan go pluck eyebrows.. haha.. im oso gonna get a haircut soon.. mi hair is gettin so messy.. haha.. i love my long hair.. but i oso wish to have a change fer da new year.. juz as i said.. im gonna start afresh in da new year.. and well.. my resolution is comin true.. he is slowly slowly gettin out of my life.. aft all dat had happen.. i really dunno how much more i can trust da man dat i used to love.. im still angry and upset.. but u know wat.. it doesnt really matter anymore.. cuz i have more impt things on mind dan havin you on my mind.. haha.. pals.. proud of mi not..haha.. well.. i have been wantin to get a new skin.. but no time la.. so hopefully today i can find a new one ar.. new skin.. new start.. new me.. wanna get rid of unhappy stuffs.. wana get out of da shadow of da past.. i wanna tuo tai huan gu.. hee.. guess im goin crazy alr.. gonna go get some rest and prepare fer another week of sch and work and a bundle of fun and laughter le.. hee.. till i blog again.. hee..
