fer da past 3 days was at chalet w mi dear carol and jo..

250305
check in w loads of stuffs..
da amt of food we brought there was SCARY!!!
like wat carol's mum said..
we machiam preparin fer war liddat..
wahahhaha..
went to our room and unpack some stuffs..
slacked fer awhile dan we went out to get more food..
can u sense da piggy-ness in us?!
let me tell we wat food we have k..
8 pieces of stingray
40 pieces of prawns
30 pieces of chicken wings
2 pkt of taiwan sausage
2 pkt of hotdogs
50 sticks of satay
24 cans of chrysanthemum tea
2 cartons of milk
1 box of honeystars
1 loaf of bread (super giant size de)
1 can of kaya
3 1.5 litres soft drinks
3 pkt of mashmallow
1 big pkt of cheezels (10 small pkt inside)
1 big pkt of double decker
12 cups of cup noodles
1 pkt of lexus biscuit
dats abt all.
scary rite?!
and its fer 4 person oni..
woah~ we were really out of our mind..
but guess wat!?
da food almost finished k
anyway we went bck and started bbq-in
dan was rather late le
so went bck bath and slept

260305
woke up at 830
went yishun fer MAC breakfast
went east coast and cycle
had lunch there
evenin time went bck yishun to get carol's and my dinner
went back to chalet and started bbq-in again
bbq-in part 2 cuz too much food le
first day cant finish
haha
jo went out and buy ice-cream fer us
in da end dear and mi were fightin w da ice cream
he fed me ice cream ALL OVER mi face
can u imagine?!
choc chip flavour white white thing all over my face
of cuz i took revenge
haha
aft bbq-in and all da crap
it was really late again
went bck bath and slp

270305
woke up real late
like 11 plus 12
really rotted on da bed
finally went to wash up and took our breakfast
dan carol and me were so excited
the sun was up high
shinnin ever so brightly
went dwn to da pool was abt to start tannin
there comes da rain
like wat da fark la
change of plans
went to da jacuzzi
and guess wat!?
its COLD water
we were in there fer a while dan we really tak boleh tahan
went up and had our own mini bubble bath
played bubble like nobody's business la
wen we had enuf of it we got out
stepped out of da bathroom and entered another icezone
drank hot choc to keep ourselves warm
ate a lil tidbits
and tada had our aftnoon nap
we really pigs huh
anyway went it was abt 6
started to bathe and pack up our stuffs
left da place abt 7
went to have our dinner
and we went home
our wonderful haven fer da past 3 days
tired and busted and i have sch tml
life still have to go on..
SIGHZ~

whee..
im so hyper today..
hee..
oso dunno why..
maybe one week of hols restores myy madness and energy..
hee..
well well..
tis weekend was rather a bore..
esp on sat..
guess wat i did on sat!?
i stayed home da whole day..
can euu believe it?!
gosh..
i was practically rottin la..
nobody to pei mii..
originally was supposed to go movie w carol jo and dear de..
but the dinner they went to can oni leave at 10..
so bo pian lor..
they wanna meet aft dat i oso dun wan lor..
so late le..
daddy sure scold de..
so i juz rotted at home lor..

on sun..
it was even more beautiful..
hee..
mii dearest woke up at 1.30..
dan we said to meet at 2.30..
so i went to get ready and stuffs..
wen i reach there at 230 din see him..
so wait till 245 dan i realise i din bring sth out..
so went home and take..
on da way i keep callin him..
he din ans..
i tot he went bck to slp lor..
dan i was rather pissed la..
so i sat at home and keep callin..
dan carol called mi..
she say dat mi dearie forget to bring his phone out and dat he is there waitin fer me..
so there i went dashin out of da hse..
hee..
dan wen i reached there we were both starvin..
but in his mind there was oni one thing..
he wanna bring mi go watch movie..
hee..
so in da end we went dwn to ps..
bought movie tix..
took our meal..
dunno is lunch or breakfast..
haha..
dan aft movie we went suntec to get his phone..
his precious new phone..
hee..
dan juz walk ard lor..
aft dat dan we went home le..
was rather late le..
hee..

well well..
sunday is da oni day dat i getta go out w him..
how i wish it was a sat..
dan dun need to worry abt us..
either i studyin tml or he workin tml..
dan scared not enuff slp..
xianz..
but..
no choice..

juz as carol has said..
each relationship is different..
cant expext things to be da way it was fer da previous one..
well.. i know..
but sth i juz wish i cld spend more time w him..
at times i juz hope dat i can have more of his attention..
or maybe its mi..
forever seekin too much attention frm him..
is it mi or not!?
i dunno..
at times i really feel insecure abt tis relationship..
i oso dunno why..
maybe da hurt i gt few mths back was really so gr8 dat im so scared dat da same ting will happen again..
but i know mii dear dear really love mii alot..
i know i love him too..
if not i wun be feelin abt certain things at certain times..
im really scared dat one day he will juz leave mii fer another ger dat comes along da way..
went thru dat and it seriously sux..
but..
wat can i do!?
i really dunno..
how i wish god can take away da hurt..
da scar..
and let mi love him wholeheartedly juz like i have never been hurt before..
guess there's nth fair in tis world yah!?

bored bored bored bored bored..
im dyin of bordem..
can u believe it?!
i have been home alone ever since noon..
been doin nth and have been rottin..
im freakin hungry la..
urgh..
thawin da food..
faster finish thawin ba..
dan i can cook and eat..
whahaha..
hmm..
miss mii dearie..
he good lor..
can go eat good food ltr..
he goin polar's annual dinner and dance ltr w helen carol and boss and da other polar staffs..
haha..
wonder how smart lookin he will be ltr..
hee..
im really bored la..
can someone entertain me?!
dance fer me
sing fer me..
anything will do..
haha..
hmm..
im startin to plan fer his bday..
dunno can do wat lei..
even if know oso dun tell u la..
ltr u leak out to him..
dan its da end alr..
wahhahah..
guess im really gg crazy..
whahahaha..
im nut head..
-knock knock-
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im hungry..
quick quick thaw..
quick quick find sth fer me to do..
BAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

today is a day worth commerating..
finally had a LANs outin..
went kbox..
and guess wat..
da moment i stepped into da room..
oni chiam was sane..
da other 2 alr went bonkers..
haha..
had fun w em..
i juz love em to bits..
hee..
ooh..
let mi explain why i am late k..
cuz in da mornin met mii precious dear fer mac breakfast..
dan we went shoppin fer fruittree drinks..
haha..
dan went dwn to rp w him..
sit there and rotted till it was time to go dan i leave..
so i was late..
haha..
anyway aft singin we went s11 fer dinner..
ate ban mian..
so long no eat le..
hee..
ard 9 plus we finally bear to get out butts out of da chair and start headin home..

hmm..
i dunno wats wrong with me..
ever since seein dat bastard..
alot has been on mii mind..
urgh..
sth is very wrong..
but i cant pin point..
if i am given a choice i oso dun wan it to be tis way..
haiz..
memories and memories juz floatin pass..
but hurts are makin mi heart numb..
somtime i juz feel so unfair to euu..
those scars left by dat freakin bastard is not gonna get away..
is it gonna stay fer life?!
i dun wan..
its very painful..
i wan da scar to leave..
i wan it far away frm mii..
urgh..
juz wanna die now..
watever im gg thru now is tearin mii apart..
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
watever..
wanted to meet dear badly juz now..
was suppose to go rp and meet da gang fer supper..
in da end it was cancelled..
and im supposed to gp home..
hmm..
was ok abt it at first..
but da longer i stay at s11 talkin da more i wanna meet him la..
so i called him up..
he said he was tired wanna go home and rest..
k lor..
i gt nth to say..
asked if can acc him fer dinner he say he can buy home and eat..
fine lor..
i LL lor..
wat can i say...
wat can i do?!
i dunno..
why am i so emotional?!
i oso dunno..
haiz..
monday was our 1mth..
well..
to i it doesnt even feel like 1mth at all lor..
i dunno la..
ppl's 1st mth tgt is filled w sweetness and stuff..
its honeymoon period..
i dunno how to say mine..
i know he is very nice to mii..
but..
look at how much time we get to spend w each other?!
other dan weekends..
haiz..
i dunno la..
i oso dunno why am i pissed dat i cant see him juz now..
dan he juz called up..
guess wat!? nobody was on da other line..
i was seriously pissed off la..
dan i hang up..
he called again..
samae ting happen..
tis time i was put on hold..
i waited fer 5 mins..
dan i hang up..
wat da hell la..
u call up fer nth!?
accidentally pressed ma!?
doubt so..
URGH!!!!!!!!!!!
priss..
xing yi xing...
make clear of stuffs..
gosh.
im really goin mad.
im talkin to myyself..
<:'o':>
i dunno wats gg on in my heart and mind..
too tired to tink..
but i cant fall aslp..
wat da fark..
im in painnnnnnnnnnnn....................................

update update..
hmm..
on sun met myy dear to shop fer myy sis bday gift..
bought her sth from town..
yeah..
so hapi..
and i bought amanda this thomas train thingie..
wahhahaha..
know she gonna kill mii..
but hey..
look at chiam and chin..
they dun have it k..
so be grateful..
hmm..
was feelin hungry so we went to taka b2..
was juz casually walkin ard..
lookin ard..
and well..
saw him..
i really dunno how to react..
it juz brings back all da pain i had and went thru..
told dear dat he was workin..
haiz..
why muz i see him..
i really dunno..
myy heart and mind went into a war..
it really makes all da pain kinda surface..
and im really scared of gettin hurt again..
i dunno how to tell dear tis..
but i will talk to him abt it soon..
bcuz of him now i dun dare giv 100% in tis r/s..
i know its not fair to him..
but im really sorri..
da hurt is really so gr8..
im oso kinda shocked dat i gave both of us a chance..
it was wat myy heart wanted..
but if i was really given time to tink i wun..
im really scared of gettin hurt..
really..
da pain..
da scars..
it can be felt so easily..
but he was a bastard..
so..
i oso dunno..
im juz super fed up dat he din face things like wat a man shld do..
really..
kinda felt like slappin him..
but..
not worth it la..
have loads of things to ask and tell dear..
but words juz cant get out of myy mouth..
urgh..
neway..
aft dat went airport fer dinner and sent mi dearest mummy back..
she is so into james la..
she is bombardin mii w qns abt him..
hee..
dats da end fer sunday..

on monday went sch fer ogl workshop..
was tiring..
da oni high part was da last part..
cuz it was dancin..
hmm..
susposedly dancin w wazzie..
but last min change of plans..
hmm.......
watever la..
dear came to sch and pick mi up..
he really surprised mii w tis gift of his..
and remembering dat its our one mth..
well..
din expect him to..
we went j8 fer dinner walked ard..
and he sent mi home..
was happi la..
was feelin fortunate too..
hee..
in love ma..
dun liddat la..
will shy de..
end of monday..

tues..
yesterday went sentosa w mii dear CT..
guess wat..
i got an uneven tan..
and im burnt..
i swear im gonna make tis tan even out soon..
hee..
had fun w em la..
was really lazin ard..
did ridiculous tings..
and most imptly..
there was tonnes of food..
esp NUGGETS!!! wahahahhahaha..
salivating now..
hee..
im such a pig ar..
oh..
guess wat..
dad received a call frm alexander hospital went he was havin a meetin..
he had no choice but to cancel da call..
and wen he called bck he panic and started callin everybody..
but culdnt reach mi..
cuz i was out in da sea..
haha..
everybody panic and wen im reachable..
i got scolded frm EVERYBODY..
urgh.. im so innocent la..
sadded xia..
went to work aft dat..
was really tired la..
cant work properly..
da shoes sux to da core..
mi heels hurt so badly now..
haiz..

xianz.. mi comp is still infected..
can someone tell mi wat to do!?
URGH!!!
im gg crazy le..
how to reformat mi comp!?
tell mi wat to do..
teach mi wat to do..
im super lost..
haiz..

gosh..
im missin my dearie badly..
he's slpin like a pig..
hmm..
i know he's tired..
everyday dun have enough slp..
try to be understandin and let him slp lor..
i really miss him lor.
tis week din really go out w him lor..
mum came back on thurs nite..
and last nite she met him..
everything so far so good lor..
hee..
so hapi..
im gg crazy..
haha..
i wanna go eat ice cream..
i wanna eat all da choc eclair frm beard papa..
i wanna eat nydc mud pie..
i wanna eat i wanna eat..
wahhahahaha..
but aft eatin all tis i will put on 10000000 pounds..
and i will look like a ELEPHANT..
wahahhaha...
im really crazy..
i wanna help fer mii comp..
somebody save me...
save me
save me................

hmm.. i have an enjoyable weekend..
whee..
mii entire weekend is spent w mii dearest darlin and noone else..
well..
aft dat incident..
on friday wen i went dwn to acc carol fer lunch..
she told mii dat he wanted to go out w mii aft his work..
i was still rather angry..
and im pissed dat he din even say anything abt tat to mii..
so in da end i waited again..
anyway we went dwn to bugis..
and on da way dwn it was really very awkard..
cuz im angry i dun wanna take da first move and talk to him..
dan he was lost..
dunno wat to do..
dunno wat to say..
so..
we talked things out in da end and it was rain over.sky bright.
hee..
and i have been happi since den..
hmm..
yesterday dear end work rather early..
abt 1240 he alr on his way home le..
so we met up abt 3..
dan acc him go eat..
dan we went town and walked ard..
and wen it was abt time we went dwn to mii sch and watch BYG..
er..
BYG=Bai Yun Gang..
it was rather nice..
at least da both of us enjoyed it..
intro mi darlin to mii pals..
felt kinda bad cuz almost every where i go i see mii frens..
dan he was like blur blur liddat..
hee..
anyway wen da show end we went over to chomp chomp..
cuz dat piggy was hungry..
haha..
yah..
so we ate and he sent mi home..
reached home abt 1215..
dan we rested till today..
was supposed to meet carol and joshua and eat NYDC mudpie de..
but in da end our family day is cancelled..
so dear dear and i juz went town lor..
cuz i wanted to watch a moment to rmb..
in da end left first row..
see wat shit..
so we watched hitch..
it was nice..
oh..
b4 da show started we juz walked ard..
and i went far east and bought another top..
a total of 2 tops within one weekend..
scary huh..
but tis one is mii dear buy fer mi de..
so sweet ar..
hee..
dan aft da movie we went over to heeren adn took neoprints..
hee..
wahhahahahah..
so happi..
really..
whee...
i really love mii dear alot..
muackz..
hols comin..
i wanna go tannin..
mii dearies..
u hear mii!?
I WANNA GO TANNING!!!
hee..

phew.. finally gritted my teeth and went thru da interview on monday..
applied thru jae tis mornin.. finally la..
last nite da system was jammed up.. cant get in.. was irritated and went to slp in da end..
today supposedly was a gr8 day..
was tired but went sch as mi dear wants mii to be in sch..
so be it..
in da end go sch fer nth..
planned to go swimmin..
and guess wat!? GOD's nt on mii side..
it RAINED!!! i was like WTF!!!
turned out gt nth to do..
dan i went home lor..
waited fer mi dear to contact mii..
in da end boss called and asked mi dwn to work..
nt enuf ppl la..
since im nua-ing..
i went dwn..
wen im abt to reach i asked carol to call him to inform him and ask fer a meetin place so day we can go eat..
i reached alr..
i sit at bk..
all alone..
starving adn frezzing..
i waited and waited..
if he dun come any sooner..
i have to prepare fer work le..
rush hour comin..
msged him.. no reply..
called him.. he say he cant go..
wah.. really wanted to kill myself la..
was alr rather pissed..
went dwn to work..
he din even say a single thing to me..
its like WTF la..
is polar really more impt dan me?! is it!?
haiz..
guess so..
dun need to tell mi da ans la..
its so darn freakin obvious..
URGH!!!
tell mi am i over sensitive or am i right?!
am i askin fer too much attention!?
am i!?
haiz..
dunno la..
dunno la..
dunno la..
all i know is dat i really like euu lor..
but why muz u always make me upset?!
shld i still trust in love!?!
i dunno..
da scar is still dere..
i dun wanna get a new wound..
cant u juz be someone who will heal it!?
tell mi where i stand in ur heart..
sighz...................................................................