why is love such a complicated matter!?

i love you.. im scared of losin you.. wenever the tot of mi losin you i dun dare to love you..

i wonder how impt i am to you.. thou you say i am very impt to you.. i wonder where i stand in your heart.. i really do.. sometimes i juz feel dat you have so much things hidin from mi.. i dunno why.. at times i juz feel so xianz.. you dont talk to mi on da phone at nite.. always late wen you are meetin mi.. i cant believe it.. im alr never punctual wen im meetin ppl.. and you can even be worse dan mii.. urgh.. worst still you never apologise.. GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! xianz xianz xianz xianz xianz..................................

cramps hurt like hell now!!!hate it.. watever..

went swimmin w chiz today..cant believe how B.L.A.C.K. i am now la..its B.L.A.C.K not brown..
im so darn freakin sad..wanna go tannin soon.. to even out my tan.. now my tannlines is HORRIBLE.. can bu ren du.. dunno how am i goin to wear spag straps frm now on.. urgh!!! nonetheless.. i had a gr8 time w my BABEAR.. aft da swim it came.. i was like wat da fark!!! cant even walk properly la.. dunno why tis month's so bad.. bought some food and went mos and watched chi drink corn soup.. haha.. wanted to go dwn to rp de.. cuz dear dear dun have $$ to eat.. wanna go dwn and get him food de.. in da end din.. da pain was really to much to bear.. so i went home.. aft waitin fer da bus with chi i took a cab home.. can u imagine?! i cant even walk home la.. esp da long walk home.. wah.. besides fightin da cramps.. i oso fought with da urge dat i wanna vomit.. it was really darn bad la.. held onto a plastic bag in da cab.. luckily nth came out.. but wen i reached home.. BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sux man!!! hate to be sick.. dan went to slp.. cant even stand straight to find my painkillers.. maybe its alr used up.. bah.. had a gr8 slp.. cuz its da oni time wen it din hurt.. juz wen i tot dat it din hurt.. it was alr bout 7 plus.. so i wake up.. and TADA!!!!! it starts again!!! hate it hate it!!! i hate adam and eve.. if it weren't fer em.. we women do not have to go thru such pain now.. urgh!!! haiz.. so bored at home la.. hope tml everything will be alright ba..

woo..
back from chalet..
now at home..
rather tired la..
cuz was preparin his stuffs da past few nights b4 da chalet..
and wen we went fer da chalet..
we slept at abt 3..
dan we gotta wake up at 10..
urgh..
in da end i din get to tan!!!
da sun was so bright la..
so angry..
but nvm la..
his bday ma..
his da king..
so now we are slackin at home..
he watchin tv lor..
i juz wake up..
hee..
gg grandma hse ltr..
=)
miss her food..
its so darn nice la..
droolin now le..
hee..
hmmm..
we din really do much over there la..
went we check in it was almost 4 plus..
dan we slacked in da room..
dan at abt 8 liddat we got out..
cuz i wanna go see musical fountain..
aft dat we went to da beach and juz sit there and talk..
dan abt 11 plus liddat we went back..
so juz watched tv..
eat a lil..
dan contd to slack lor..
haha..
so slack ar..
but chalet is liddat de ma..
dan a lil aft 12 he went to toilet..
so i quickly seized tis chance..
took out da cake and lited it and waited fer him outside da toilet..
haha..
sounds bian tai hor..
wen he came out he saw da cake and me standin infront of him..
he was a lil shock la..
dan sang him a bday song..
gave him his present..
=)
he liked it..
thanx god..
haha..
hope he had a wonderful time ba..
if euu are seein tis..
i love euu dear..
=)

im so tired..
the food tasted not bad..
hee..
edible la..
wun get food poisonin la..
so..
james..
euu are safe..
wahahahha..
juz need to prepare all of them the next nite..
and viola..
we will have our small lil picnic on fri.
hee..
im gg crazy..

well well..
guess wat..
u noe dat bastard had been gg round tellin ppl dats its all myy fault..
dats why he broke up with mii..
but euu know wat he said to mii!?
he told mi he let mii down..
he's sorry..
if dat was da case..
in which ever direction does it seems like myy fault!?
grrrrrrrrrr~~~
watever it is..
its over..
boo......

im livin happily in a world wout hurt..
cuz he loves mii..
mi family loves mii..
tze chi loves mii..
carol loves mii..
becks loves mii..
ting loves mii..
helen loves mii..
nonny loves mii..
belle loves mii..
maneka loves mii..
myy freeLANcers and veggies loves mii..
=)
tis world ROX!!!

boo.. i can feel da strain in my neck..
who to blame?!
james wooooooooooo..
hee..
know why!?
cuz its such a energy consuming task to do his bday gift..
my eyes are also poppin out of ma sockets..
so next time if euu see dat happenin dun ask me why..
hmm.. da more i do it..
da more meaningless i felt..
i dunno how meaningfull can dis pathetic gift of mine seem to be..
gosh..
feel like dyin..
hmm..
ytd finally booked da chalet successfully..
but its no longer a surprise fer him..
so felt a lil retarded..
urgh..
i wanted it to be a surprise..
hmm.. nvm.. i can surprise him w other stuffs..
waahaha..
hopefully those other surprises will work..
i wanna bake a cake fer him..
but..
no time..
no oven..
urgh..
i can juz go bang myself on da wall and die..
haha..
so i will juz go buy lor..
hee..
hopefully he can appreciate all dat i have done fer him..
cuz i really never do so much fer someone before..
really love my dear loads..
hee..
hmm..
k..
cant stay fer long..
need to go back and contd with da gift i have fer him..
if not..
tml and thurs i workin..
no time le..
fri chalet le..
URGH!!!

hmm. my legs are practically goin to give way. walked frm sky bright bright to sky dark dark. wah. wanted to die la. really. was with mummy in da mornin till evenin. dan aft dat met mii dearie. we juz went fer dinner and walked da whole suntec. dat explains da situation of my legs now. haha. sighz. mom goin back tml. gonna miss her again. dunno will she back in time fer mothers' day. hopefully ba. watever it is. she will still get her mothers' day treatment wen she's back da next time round.

guess tml i will stay home and be good and finish up his bday gift ba. hopefully it will turn out good. =) am so bored!!!

hmm. im rather disgusted aft readin somebody's blog. i mean. wat da hell man. who is she to write abt such things?! its like wat da fark la! urgh! somemore all dat was mentioned are ppl whom im really close to la. urgh! i mean i never like her dat much to trust her. but sumtime wen i look at her life i feel rather sad fer her. i know she crave fer more. but there is a limit to wat she can get. juz wen i was tinkin of givin her a helpin hand by being her fren. tis kinda shiat i see. so. i really dunno wat to do. i juz cant stand it wen ppl talk bad abt myy pals la. bloody idiot. sumtime i really wonder why are euu liddat. i really wanna know. i really wanna help. but. will i ever have da chance to!? who knows?! oni god knows. even wen im not there to help euu. can euu juz go to a corner and reflect ur whole life?! and euu will know wat's right and wat's wrong. leave myy pals alone. euu do not have da right to say them. biatch. opps. euu are not even fit to be one.

hmm.. it has been 2 mths since we got tgt.. thou its juz a short while but i feel dat i have been in love with you fer myy whole entire life.. its really a very special feelin.. hee.. hmm.. thou you are sick you still meet me.. know you are broke but you still paid fer da movie ticket and da meal we had at pastamania.. you never know wat it means to mii.. im really very touched.. and seriously i appreciate it alot.. really love you loads dear..

2 mths ago.. you walk into my life.. and life has been wonderful since then.. i never regreted making dat decision.. despite how uncertain i was into gettin into another r/s.. i gritted myy teeth and decided to go eith myy heart.. and well.. im glad dat myy heart din make da wrong decision.. thou it led mii to a pit.. a pit where noone can save mii.. its a pit dat makes mii fall deeper in love with you with each passing days.. thanx fer lettin mii know dat there is really someone out there meant fer mii.. thanx fer healin those scars..

today aft we bought our tixs wen we were on our way dwn to get some food.. we were approached by tis uncle.. he was frm everbliss.. its a shop dat offers weddin gowns and packages fer couples gettin married.. hmm.. it was rather odd.. but.. to mii.. in myy heart ii wonder if it is a sign given by god.. hee.. who knows rite.. watever it is.. mr james woo you listen up.. i love you.. i promise you with all my heart.. =))

tralalalalalala..
im bored..
was so bored at work today..
no james.
no carol.
no helen.
i almost died.
and james din come dwn and take me home.
i know i know.
i called him not to come dwn.
he's tired.
juz let him rest at home.
thou i wanted to see him badly.
but.
put myself in his shoes.
i wan him to rest.
hmm.
mum's comin bck tml nite.
orwells.
tonite.
hee.
miss her so much.
cant wait to see her.
will be gg dwn to airport to fetch her.
same old routine every month.
sighz.
hmm.
ytd watched miss congeniality2 w dear.
its was a real nice movie.
compared to be cool.
ha.
juz cant be cool abt da movie.
wasted ma $$!!
haha..
gonna rot at home again tml.
sighz.
im juz so darn freakin bored.
urgh..
well.
im tired now.
nitex.

hmm.. know i haven been updatin recently..
was juz gettin lazy..
haha..
well well..
din really do much la..
every night was kinda busy doin some stuffs..
its gonna be done soon..
so proud of myyself..
hopefully it will be appreciated..
-grinx-
last week met up w ma long time no see pals..
belle and maneka..
pretty good catchin up..
oso busied myyself w fillin up da enrollment form..
went dwn to tp and hand up..
well..
guess dats da start of new life..
poly life..
juz hope everything will be good..
=/
hmm.. last weekend was out with my dear..
on sat he din go work..
so we met in the aftnoon and went to suntec and watched the pacifier..
da movie was GR8..
better go catch it k..
its rather value fer money..
hee..
aft da movie we strolled to esplanade..
so hard to find a place to sit..
finally we sat dwn and juz talked..
love it..
thou there wasnt any stars..
nor there any wind..
was pretty warm..
was like wth la..
juz enjoy listenin to da waves..
lookin at them..
and juz talkin..
hee..
ytd went town w myy dear as well..
juz eat and walked ard lor..
pretty slack la..
was in taka..
saw him..
i dunno wat to react..
din want to see him..
so i juz walked away fast..
guess dearie saw him..
he oso din say a thing..
haiz..
how sucky can life be!?
i can somehow still feel da hurt..
urgh!!!
we dan contd walkin to far east..
saw some tops dat i wanna buy..
mom's comin bck..
-evil laughters-
hee..
yupz..
and we took a bus home..
gosh..
dunno watz w myy dearie ytd..
he keeps biting me..
wah..
so pain can..
he's turnin into a monster..
-shivers-
hee..
watever it is..
i will still love euu..
=))

爱你 不是因为你的美而已
我越来越爱你每个眼神触动我的心
因为你让我看见
Forever 才了解自己 未来这些日子要好好珍惜
爱我 有些痛苦 有些不公平
如果真的爱我 不是理所当然的决定
感到你的呼吸在我耳边
像微风神奇 温柔的安抚
我的不安定
所以我~要 每天研究你的笑容
Ooh 多么自然
Forever love Forever love
我只想用我这一辈子去爱你
从今以后 你会是所有
幸福的理由爱情是场最美最远的旅行
沿途雨季泥泞偶尔阻碍我们的前进
感到你的体温在我怀里像阳光和煦
巧妙的融化 我的不安定
不可思议证明我爱你的理由
Ooh 多么自然你感动的眼睛
我沉默的声音 彷佛就是最好的证明
就让我在说一次 I love you oh (直到永远)
Forever Love Forever Love Forever Love
我只想用我这一辈子去爱你
从今以后 你会是所有
幸福的理由
Forever Love Forever Love Forever Love

grr...........
i wonder where i stand in ur heart..
why i dun get the kind of attention i deserve!?
do euu know how much it hurts?!
i know euu are tired..
but..
arent i tired as well!?
i know euu dote on me..
i know euu are nice to me..
i know euu love me..
but..
wat i want is u payin a lil more attention to me..
i have never wanted anybody's attention so badly in my life before..
cant believe im so hopelessly seekin out fer ur attention la..
gosh..
sometimes i really wonder wat muz i do to get ur attention!?
maybe one day wen im gone dan u will know..
why muz there be love in tis freakin world!?
why?!
yesh..
wout love i wun be who i am today..
i wun get happy bcuz of silly lil stuffs..
but bcuz of love the hurt i get is juz undescribable..
haiz..
dunno wats up w mi la..
one end im complainin..
and the other im panickin dunno wat to get fer his bday..
gosh....
why am i so useless?!

april fool.. bad day..
bad day at work..
bad day cuz im filled w emo shit now..
life juz simply suckz!

whee~
im finally officially outta ny..
dat means im one step closer to my dream..
but..
it also means im one step further away frm all my beloved pals..
im gonna miss chiam chin and carrot sooooooooooooo much..
i will no longer sit at the grandstand in da mornin and talk to them..
no longer lookin out fer our common breaks to crap..
no longer be laughin at chin and carrot w chiam..
i will be missin euu guys loads!!!
im really torn apart wen i realise dat i got into tp..
i dun bear to leave euu guys..
i know its not as if we are not gonna see each other again or wat..
but..
da distance.. da everyday sch life thing..
it will be juz so different wen we meet again..
euu guys will be preparin fer 'a's..
and i will be busy w my new sch term..
wen will we ever have time fer LANs outin!?
i really wonder..
look at da last outin we had..
it was like aft sooooooooo long la..
gosh..
im alr startin to miss euu guys..
i love euu balls..
muackz..
miss all da fun we used to have in sch..
but..
HAIZ. SIGHZ.
sometimes i really wonder why god muz plan things dis way..
GOD!!! WHY?!
peeps.
hear me out loud yah.
i will still be lovin euu guys no matter wat.