__*i want to be inside your heaven_

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

finally feelin better to blog. but still. im super moody.
he can actually juz dun bother abt me la.
sometimes im juz so disappointed that i dunno wat to say.
dunno wat to do. wat shld i do? wat culd i do?
i dunno. i really dunno.
it has been 8 mths. its quite some time.
its long enuff fer 2 ppl in a r/s to grow.
but did our love really grow?
i doubt so. at times i juz feel that tis r/s aint all dat impt to u.
can u show me otherwise? u dun even have time fer me.
im juz so tired of all this.
technically speakin i do have a bf.
seriously at times i feel that im wout one.
i really dunno how long more can all this feeling bottle inside me.
i really really wanna tell u everything. but do i have such chance?
we dun even have time to talk on phone. anyway i also dun like talkin to you on the phone.
you are always occupied w something else. tv or something else.
u dun even care abt me!
we alr have so lil time to meet up. i juz wan to make the most out of the time.
but wen i see you i dunno how to say. the words juz get stuck in my throat.
is it me? am i selfish? am i always tinkin abt myself?
am i tinkin too much? am i expecting too much from you?
am i? am i? i dunno. all this that im feelin is driving me crazy.
its suffocating me. i feel that i cant breathe! i really cant breathe.
watever..

secret msg..
well well. worked 2 days in a row w you. it never felt better. =)
can i tell you something? i dunno wat i was feeling. maybe it was jealousy.
u introduced michelle as ur gf. =/and for the rest of the time u were rather close w her. and all of a sudden i felt so lonely in this whole wide world. i dunno why. anyway wen u talked to me. i was indeed v happy. haas. well. wen michelle look at me at first i dun quite like it. maybe cause i talk to much to you. haas. watever. anyway we travelled dwn to bishan tgt. and u carried her bag. im like -grrr- nth to say. u and her were "flirting" all the time. i dunno wat was gg thru me then. it was raining. u shared an umbrella with her. how i wished i was her. anyway we reached the coffeeshop. sat dwn and u started planning. result? me and you were a team! =) yay! lolx.
we shared an umbrella. haas. so funny. so sweet. lolx. guess that's the closest we will ever be. haas. anyway you werent exactly feeling well. so after dinner you took a rest. how i wished i could look at the way you slp. haas. too bad the brochure covered ur face. =/ anyway u look so cute wen you wake up. watever. dan we started to work. it was much fun. precious moments shared. than we were back at the void deck again. saw wei guo and yi yong. well well. they were talking abt you and michelle. once again ; i dunno wat im feeling. lolx. anyway we contd working. once we were sitting at the stairways. suddenly got a mms. and wen i open it up. i saw your freakin face. i juz burst into laughter. u really know how to make me smile. =) im so gonna keep it. haas. you asked me qns abt me and james. haas. so cute hurs. anyway went back to meeting point. and yada yada. went home.
went to work today. bought you coffee. you look so sick. heart pain. haas. anyway saw you planned todays location and tada we were working tgt again. =) i dunno wats wrong with you today. you seem different. there was quite abit of body contact. well. as in touchin my face and stuff. haas. anyway we went fer dinner tgt at the chicken rice place. you were really nice. buyin me dinner today and ytd. =) anyway u were irritating ar. forcing me to eat veg. and keep askin maneka qn abt james and me. and u dis idiot. keep lookin at my tummy. sick ass la. wan kill u la. really so big meh? =/ BAH!!!!!!!!!. haas. hopefully tml can contd workin w u. cuz andy not workin. sadd. oh. wen maneka was talkin to you abt her projects. she talked abt those kissing scene and u said u will oni do it with me. haas. and u wanted to rehearse first. well. all of a sudden i tot of how it will be like to kiss you. mwahaaha. dat was so wrong la. but somehow i juz wished it happen. i miss all this. i miss physical contact w my baby. cant rmb wen was the last time we really kissed. yes. its eating me up! i cant believe it la. he as a guy he dun mind. but yet im a ger and i mind. maybe i really mean nth to him. tis cant go on. oh. watever. i juz need to slp. hope to see jordan tml. =)

PRISS threw a coin into the pond @02:33

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